TOEFL Sample essay : integrated essay from TPO 13

In this set of materials, the reading passage states three reasons to prove that private collectors of fossils suffer both scientists and the public by selling and buying of fossils. However, the lecturer contends that although commercial fossil markets have some negative consequences, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. She brings up some evidence to refute all the reasons mentioned in the reading passage.

First of all, the author of the passage asserts that private collectors hinder public to see fossils and consequently decline public interest in fossils. In contrast, the speaker believes that fossil traders make more fossils available for purchase by the public. Therefore, many more ordinary places like public schools and libraries can display different kinds of fossils and will render greater exposure to fossils, not less.

Moreover, it is mentioned in the reading passage that fossils should be examined by scientists that buying and selling fossils would omit scientists’ access to extinct life forms. On the contrary, the lecturer claims that scientists identify the fossils and put a value for them to trade. Hence, scientists first test fossils and the discoveries pass through the hands of scientists at first and the scientific recognition for them is not missed out.

Finally, the reading passage declares that commercial fossil collectors ruin discovered worthwhile scientific fossils. Conversely, the professor argues that having more fossils found is worth to let commercial discoveries of fossils since not many collecting operations are done by universities and scientific institutions, even if not all the data about location and surroundings are discovered completely.

Votes
Average: 9 (2 votes)
Essay Categories

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 26 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 12
No. of Words: 258 250
No. of Characters: 1423 1200
No. of Different Words: 140 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.008 4.2
Average Word Length: 5.516 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.757 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 124 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.455 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.797 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.818 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.427 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.659 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.174 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4