21.Younger school children (aged five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, language, science and history.
Paying attention to children's issues from various aspects is so vital for each society since they will be tomorrow's parents, teachers, leaders and doctors. Therefore, designing what curriculum they should study is an essential factor in determining a society's bright future. When it comes to different kinds of subjects at primary schools that they are required to be taught, controversy surrounds the issue of whether children at primary school need to learn art and music as well as math, physics and chemistry or not. Some people are of the opinion that due to the blooming development of societies, they should allocate their time for just practical subjects. I believe, however, both kinds of those subjecs are necessary for school children for the following reasons.
One of the most interesting aspects of the current discussion which demands to be reflected is that adding art and music along with math and science to school courses contributes to school chilren's mental health. Nowadays, because of highly tight competition among children, most of the parents, registering their children in extracurricular programs held out of schools, force their children to study hard so that they can exceed others academically. This causes these children have no time to spend on their pleasure and fun. As a result, facing stress and anxiety is undeniable fact. However, if primary schools have art and music which are such recreatianal activities for children, they will be able to relieve all pressure, which results in having fresh spirits and vitality.
Another noteworthy aspect of the ongoing discussion which needs to be reflected is that art and music cultivate intellectual development of children especially during their childhood. Researchers have shown that students who have spend great proportion on wither playing music or drawing paint perform effectively at school in comparison those who have been deprived of doing activities. One reason is that singing song, painting, playing musical instrument stimulate the right side of children's brains. This leads to improvement of left part of their brains because of being strong connection between these two sides. Moreover, these activities help children to enhance concentration while painting or memorizing melody which directly effect our brain activity. Thus, students will have petter performance on math and science.
To sum up, not only improving mental well-being but also enhancing intellectual growth are the results of adding art and music to school subjects of children at primary school. I hope that all parents and school principals understand how important these subjects could be.
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Paying attention to children's issues from various aspects is so vital for each society since they will be tomorrow's parents
Description: 'they' refers to what? various aspects or issues?
is undeniable fact
is an undeniable fact
students who have spend
students who have spent
in comparison those who
in comparison to/with those who
which directly effect our brain activity
which directly affect our brain activity
Sentence: I believe, however, both kinds of those subjecs are necessary for school children for the following reasons.
Error: subjecs Suggestion: subject
Sentence: However, if primary schools have art and music which are such recreatianal activities for children, they will be able to relieve all pressure, which results in having fresh spirits and vitality.
Error: recreatianal Suggestion: recreational
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 415 350
No. of Characters: 2207 1500
No. of Different Words: 233 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.513 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.318 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.72 2.4
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 136 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 90 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.056 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.083 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.556 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.309 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.488 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.041 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5