The following report appeared in the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and Assisted Living Facilities for Seniors.
"A novel therapy has come to our attention that promises to significantly decrease the incidence of dementia in our aging community. According to a 21-year study led by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and funded by the National Institute on Aging, while many physical activities like playing tennis or golf, swimming, bicycling, dancing, and walking for exercise provided cardiovascular benefits for seniors, only one physical activity offered protection against dementia: that was frequent dancing. At GoldenAge we currently provide residents with extensive recreational facilities. These include tennis courts, a fitness center, and lap pools in each senior apartment complex. However, we have no dance studio space at GoldenAge, nor any social dance programs.
Clearly, social dancing can prevent or delay the onset of dementia. Since the onset of dementia inevitably signals the imminent move of residents from our independent living apartments to the more heavily staffed and therefore more costly to operate assisted living quarters, we recommend the establishment of social dance programs at all GoldenAge senior residences—as a cost-effective, positive way to ward off dementia and enable our residents to remain in their independent living quarters."
Respond by writing an essay in which you discuss the specific evidence you would need to judge the validity of the argument and explain how this evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
Author write blog which tell the measures counter to prevent the dementia which is occuring in our aging community. Author suggested that, establishment of the social dance program at all Golden Age Senior residences which become more cost effictive and also prevent the dementia. This recommendation or the conclusion logically not convincing the reader beacuse the argument which is lack of curcial evidences.
Firslty in the first sentences the mentioning the Novel therapy which uesd to decrease the incident of dementia in our aging community. The is not explain here. What is mean by novel therapy is unclear from the argument. what the therapy actually used ? how it help to prevent the demantia. All this information is not provided by the author. Which is essential to make this conclusion more stronger.
Secondly the author said that, the 21 years study conducted by Albert Einstein College of Medicine, many physical activities like playing tennis or golf, swimming, bicycling, dancing and the walking for exercise provide the carsiovasculaer benefits for seniors but hte dancing is only physcial activity which offered the protection against the demantia. But here the author not explaining how the dancing is only the physcial activity than any other physical activity to protect agianst the demantia. It also not mentaning the benefit over another activity. That why this statement is not logically ture, not holding highly weighted point to convencing the reader. Because the another mention activities also include the physcial exercise then why the only dancing have more important. If so then why the Golden age resident does not have space for dancing and does perfrom the social dancing. This both statement beocmes paradox to each other. Firstly author said that the, 21 years study show the dancing is good for demantia then up till now why the space for dance is not avaliblein Golden age resident. As study of this is 21 years. Whole argument missing the strong evidences.
Howe ever, author said that dematia suffer resident way from the independent living apartment to more heavily staffed so that it become more costly to operate assisted living quarted. But what is realtionship between dancing and the living apparment is not mentioned. how they are related. All are confusing to reader. Author have provide how the social dancing prevent the demantia.
Finally, to summing it up author have to provide concise, detailed and scientic proof about the that only the dancing is prevent the demantia. without proper information we can not reach accurate conclusion.
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Sentence: Author write blog which tell the measures counter to prevent the dementia which is occuring in our aging community.
Description: The fragment Author write blog is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace write with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Sentence: This recommendation or the conclusion logically not convincing the reader beacuse the argument which is lack of curcial evidences.
Description: The fragment reader beacuse the is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: remove which
Sentence: What is mean by novel therapy is unclear from the argument. what the therapy actually used ? how it help to prevent the demantia.
Description: The fragment how it help to is rare
Sentence: Howe ever, author said that dematia suffer resident way from the independent living apartment to more heavily staffed so that it become more costly to operate assisted living quarted.
Description: The fragment living quarted . is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace quarted with adverb
Description: The fragment it become more is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace become with verb, past tense
Sentence: Author have provide how the social dancing prevent the demantia.
Description: A verb 'to have', uninflected present tense, infinitive or is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to have and provide
Description: The fragment dancing prevent the is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace prevent with verb, past tense
Sentence: Finally, to summing it up author have to provide concise, detailed and scientic proof about the that only the dancing is prevent the demantia. without proper information we can not reach accurate conclusion.
Description: The word that is not usually used as a qualifier, pre
Suggestion: Refer to that
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to is and prevent
Sentence: Author suggested that, establishment of the social dance program at all Golden Age Senior residences which become more cost effictive and also prevent the dementia.
Error: dementia Suggestion: demented
Error: effictive Suggestion: effective
Sentence: This recommendation or the conclusion logically not convincing the reader beacuse the argument which is lack of curcial evidences.
Error: curcial Suggestion: crucial
Sentence: Firslty in the first sentences the mentioning the Novel therapy which uesd to decrease the incident of dementia in our aging community.
Error: uesd Suggestion: used
Sentence: Secondly the author said that, the 21 years study conducted by Albert Einstein College of Medicine, many physical activities like playing tennis or golf, swimming, bicycling, dancing and the walking for exercise provide the carsiovasculaer benefits for seniors but hte dancing is only physcial activity which offered the protection against the demantia.
Error: hte Suggestion: the
Error: physcial Suggestion: physical
Error: carsiovasculaer Suggestion: cardiovascular
Sentence: But here the author not explaining how the dancing is only the physcial activity than any other physical activity to protect agianst the demantia.
Error: demantia Suggestion: demand
Error: agianst Suggestion: against
Error: physcial Suggestion: physical
Sentence: It also not mentaning the benefit over another activity.
Error: mentaning Suggestion: meaning
Sentence: That why this statement is not logically ture, not holding highly weighted point to convencing the reader.
Error: ture Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: convencing Suggestion: convening
Sentence: Because the another mention activities also include the physcial exercise then why the only dancing have more important.
Error: physcial Suggestion: physical
Sentence: If so then why the Golden age resident does not have space for dancing and does perfrom the social dancing.
Error: perfrom Suggestion: perform
Sentence: This both statement beocmes paradox to each other.
Error: beocmes Suggestion: becomes
Sentence: But what is realtionship between dancing and the living apparment is not mentioned. how they are related.
Error: realtionship Suggestion: relationship
Error: apparment Suggestion: apparent
Sentence: Finally, to summing it up author have to provide concise, detailed and scientic proof about the that only the dancing is prevent the demantia. without proper information we can not reach accurate conclusion.
Error: demantia Suggestion: ?
Error: scientic Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 20 2
Double check gram and spelling errors before submitting essays.
Complete essay topics wanted!
Don't put a space before punctuation marks.
Put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 20 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 416 350
No. of Characters: 2133 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.516 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.127 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.502 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 172 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 141 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.087 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.013 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.522 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.288 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.475 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.083 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5