Many of the problems young people now experience, like Juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that, many married women work and are not at home to look after their children.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
By: Hoang Anh
From the evidents of both rich and poor countries, women have set foot in nearly every walk of life. As a consequence, some people think that this would cause serious problems to their family because they are not at home to take care for their children. However, others claim that woman should be given unlimited freedom to follow their dreams and share duties within the family to their husband. From my point of view, i totally vote for the later sentiment.
First of all, it is unfair to conclude that juvenile delinquency is realated to woman's involvement in business. In nuclear or extended family, both parents are equally to bring up their children in appropriate way as adolescence is a particular difficult time of a life for a child. Adequate affection, attention as well as support should be given to them by not only the mother but also the father, this is because they all have diffirent roles in that period. In morden society, a men plays an irreplaceable part in nurturing the children in their family.
Equally importantly, women have inborn merits that stand them in good stead. In some specific fields, females could do even better than their counterparts due to the fact that they are less likely to commit faults, for they are accustomed to dealing with matters with accuracy and caution. This notion could be illustrated by the example of accounting or humman resourses, where high patient and detailed traits are required. Futhermore, no sooner had a variety of campains been run for equalty between genders than working woman could follow and sacrifice for their passion as much as possible.
By way of conclusion, i firmly hold the opinion that woman could maintain the right balance between their home and career, provided that their husband are willing to understand and well support them. besides, attributing juvenile delinquency to the employment of women is not based on the facts.
2. Quyen
It is indisputable that the role of women in the society over the last few decades saw a significant change that might lead to nascent phenomena in modern life, especially among youngsters. Juvenile delinquency can be taken as an example, which is supposed to be the result of lacking care from full-time working mothers for their kids. Nevertheless, to my way of thinking, this idea should be rejected for several reasons.
It is a fact that mothers play an essential role in the formation of personalities in children However, they should not be the only one blamed for the misbehavior of teenagers. There is a good possibility that children in modern society do not have much time to stay at home all day long with their parents. They have to go to school, hang out with their friends or take part in recreational activities. Children may see bad to the bone people who can totally lead them astray. Because they are not mature enough, it is extremely tough for them to restrain the temptation, then they easily get into social evils even when living in good material conditions with caring parents.
Furthermore, I tend to disagree that all working mothers cannot take care of their children. By being given job opportunities to earn extra money, mothers can bring up their children better than they did in the past. With this finance, children can go to school and learn to be well-mannered individuals rather than wasting time wandering on the streets. On top of that, many women are versatile enough to do well both their jobs and domestic works. Though it might be unusual to find them sharing their children in reading or play outdoor, their kids can still get full cognitive and physical development to become moral people.
To conclude, whether married women should stay at home or seek for a job should never be the only factor to predict the juvenile social behavior. In other words, a dedicated mother could be a working mother or a housewife.
3. MO Lon
There has been a dramatic change in the women’s social status in recent years. Many people believe that this improvement is to bring problems to the children as women now have to balance home life and career. Personally, I am of mixed opinion on this.
To begin with, it is undeniable that women’s less amount of time for kids is one of the main reasons causing problems among youngsters. Admittedly, a woman’s traditional role in a typical family is to do the household chores, to look after children, to prepare meals, while her partner tend to be the breadwinner, bearing the financial burden. Hence, a mother, without doubt, is much closer to children than a father. Anecdotal evidence shows that teenagers usually turn to their mothers for advice for many issues they may encounter, ranging from conflicts at school to teenage love interests. If a woman prioritizes her works, the children may feel neglected and dispirited which probably incites them to get into social evils.
On the other hand, apart from the lack of mother’s attention, external factors also need to carry a good part of the blame. Due to the ever-increasing developments in mass media, adolescents have been bombarded with increasing amounts of violence and nudity on the Internet as well as on the television these days. Apparently, teenagers are physically and mentally immature; therefore, the early exposure to inappropriate content poses a threat to the young’s development. Furthermore, peer pressure is another obvious reason. In order to fit in with the surrounding, young adults are likely to do anything their friends induce them without careful consideration. As a consequence, this pressure contributes greatly to the upsurge of numerous social problems young people are facing, such as juvenile crime, teenage pregnancy, drug abusing, abortion and cohabitation.
All things considered, I firmly hold the view that women should not solely be responsible for adverse trends arising recently among the youth. However, because women have huge influence on kids, they should put high priority on being dedicated mothers for the sake of their children.
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Comments
from the evidents -> from the
from the evidents -> from the evidence
he later sentiment -> the latter sentiment
are equally to bring up -> are equal ...
]time of a life for a child. Adequate affection, attention as well as support should be given to them by not only: cho nay neu dung "them" thi se ko refer den "child" o cau truoc cho "child" la so it.
a men plays-> a man plays
better than their counterparts-> better than their male counterparts
Sentence: By way of conclusion, i firmly hold the opinion that woman could maintain the right balance between their home and career, provided that their husband are willing to understand and well support them. besides, attributing juvenile delinquency to the employment of women is not based on the facts.
Description: The fragment that their husband is not usually followed by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace are with is
Sentence: From the evidents of both rich and poor countries, women have set foot in nearly every walk of life.
Error: evidents Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: First of all, it is unfair to conclude that juvenile delinquency is realated to woman's involvement in business.
Error: realated Suggestion: related
Sentence: Adequate affection, attention as well as support should be given to them by not only the mother but also the father, this is because they all have diffirent roles in that period.
Error: diffirent Suggestion: different
Sentence: In morden society, a men plays an irreplaceable part in nurturing the children in their family.
Error: morden Suggestion: modern
Sentence: This notion could be illustrated by the example of accounting or humman resourses, where high patient and detailed traits are required.
Error: humman Suggestion: human
Error: resourses Suggestion: resources
Sentence: Futhermore, no sooner had a variety of campains been run for equalty between genders than working woman could follow and sacrifice for their passion as much as possible.
Error: campains Suggestion: campaigns
Error: equalty Suggestion: equally
flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.5 out of 9
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 323 350
No. of Characters: 1565 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.239 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.845 4.6
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No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.071 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.291 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.286 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.289 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.512 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.061 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5