Governments should change the way individuals live while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion.
Every nations have their own ideology that prejudice people’s live. Ideologies influence someone’s live as well as establish how is a person shows their attitudes to the society. In other words, the government rules the way individuals live which written in regulations and laws. However, some people believe that they should determine their ways of live by themselves and break their ideologies.
In one side, an ideology such Communism, for example, makes citizens are not allowed to do whatever what they want to do. Because of this idelogy has several rules which make a person’s rights become limited which all of their activities are being watched by invisible eyes that controlled their movements. An idelogies has reasons why they make several rules that handled everyone’s live. According to Karl Marx, a scientist who lived in 18th century, Communism has functions to decrease poverty and borjuism to become equal each other.
In the other side, some people disagree with this statement because ideologies can not represent a person’s human rights. According to University of Michigan’s research which asking to hundreds of foreigns who choose to live in another country, Paul Breed, a psychologist explained the most reason that makes citizens want to move and live in another country is rejecting the ideology of their own country.
In summary, the government has several methods to control their country by ideology that they believed, but a person has rights to choose the way of live that they want to do.
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- Writing Task 1 10
Sentence: In other words, the government rules the way individuals live which written in regulations and laws.
Description: A WH-determiner is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to which and written
Sentence: In one side, an ideology such Communism, for example, makes citizens are not allowed to do whatever what they want to do.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to ideology and such
Sentence: According to Karl Marx, a scientist who lived in 18th century, Communism has functions to decrease poverty and borjuism to become equal each other.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a determiner/pronoun, singular
Suggestion: Refer to equal and each
Sentence: According to University of Michigan's research which asking to hundreds of foreigns who choose to live in another country, Paul Breed, a psychologist explained the most reason that makes citizens want to move and live in another country is rejecting the ideology of their own country.
Description: A WH-determiner is not usually followed by a verb, present participle or gerund
Suggestion: Refer to which and asking
Sentence: Because of this idelogy has several rules which make a person's rights become limited which all of their activities are being watched by invisible eyes that controlled their movements.
Error: idelogy Suggestion: ideology
Sentence: An idelogies has reasons why they make several rules that handled everyone's live.
Error: idelogies Suggestion: ideologies
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Words: 247 350
Minimum 250 words wanted.
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 247 350
No. of Characters: 1248 1500
No. of Different Words: 134 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.964 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.053 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.558 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 92 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 50 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.455 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.671 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.455 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.385 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.607 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.056 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5