The following appeared in a memo written by a dean at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
The memo from the director of student housing recommends that Buckingham College should invest money in constructing new dormitories for some reasons, like he predicts that the number of students is elevating on the basis of his observation, the average rent for an apartment in their town has risen, and in order to allure more and more prospective students to apply for Buckingham College. Although the advices and evidences he proposed seem convincing, but I find it specious on several grounds after deliberation.
To begin with, the author states that the number of students skyrocket and it will double over 50 years base on current trends and his observation. It's impossible to predict accurately, not to mention how long the time he predicts. Perhaps due to some reasons lots of students, who tend to graduate, fail to access the degree and contribute to the current rising number of students.
Second, the director said that the average rent for an apartment in their town has risen in recent years. The director didn't mention the level of apartments in the town. Maybe the true reason casued the elevation of average rent is that because more and more rich residents, who bought apartments in the town for the purpose of vacation hotel, suffer from the recession of the economic and decide to lease their high-class apartments at a high price in order to make revenue from it. Therefore, it caused the increasing of average rent of apartments in the town.
Finally, the director assert that by constructing new beautiful dormitories will attract more prospective students to enroll. As a student, I think most students' priority of choosing schools to apply for is the reputation of the school, the accomplishments in academic, the traffic convenience of the school, and so on. I'm not convincing that the situation of the school's dormitory will become one of students' consideration.
In sum, without ruling out these possible reasons and flaws, the director fail to convince me that Buckingham College should invest lots of money in constructing new dormitories for those prospective students who possibly have no impetus to come to enroll.
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2012-09-17 | olivericchen | 85 | view |
2010-12-24 | dimlights | 85 | view |
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Sentence: Maybe the true reason casued the elevation of average rent is that because more and more rich residents, who bought apartments in the town for the purpose of vacation hotel, suffer from the recession of the economic and decide to lease their high-class apartments at a high price in order to make revenue from it.
Error: casued Suggestion: caused
flaws:
Sentence Length SD: 15.94 7.5
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 356 350
No. of Characters: 1763 1500
No. of Different Words: 173 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.344 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.952 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.775 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 133 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.385 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.94 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.462 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.363 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.649 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.107 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5