You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Young people of today in some countries spend their most life time for studying. This situation decrease leisure and vacation time, and throw heavy pressure on their shoulders. From my point of view, there are two origins of this behavior.
The first cause is intensive competition culture in country embedding value system that winners take all, while loser get nothing and no sphere in public. In this such society, education test score and rank of school usually were used as measure method for life achievement. High result means stability of future. For instance, Singapore education system use national test result defines future and class of students. Who obtain high test score in which subjects will be given opportunity to reach next proper academic place, which also open their career path in future. Conversely, weak students will be sent off from paths to reach high standard jobs.
The second cause is parent's expectation. In intensive competition condition, not only student pressure their self, but their family also exert them to work hard in order to catch the ladder of opportunity named education degrees. Moreover, if their child is a loser, they will feel lose their face or feel guilty. This extreme of expectation circumstance could be seem from nowadays that most of parents accept to pay unlimited budget supporting their children’s academic progress like hire famous tutors or arrange tuition fees for extra courses.
Tough life of this generation children is not because their nature born mind change from previous, but it is because societies and their parents nurture them this way. To help these children is start with destroy the profound value that academic achievement is everything, but embed the concept telling students that studying is a chance to learn what they like to do. To reach this goal mean government should relax competition atmosphere in people mid. For example government should implement policies supporting job opportunities and provide welfare for people, not let the competition to be only factor defining people life. As a result, the tough mind of children (and also parents) will be more flexible.
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not only student pressure their self,
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to pressure and their
Sentence: This extreme of expectation circumstance could be seem from nowadays that most of parents accept to pay unlimited budget supporting their children's academic progress like hire famous tutors or arrange tuition fees for extra courses.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to like and hire
Sentence: To help these children is start with destroy the profound value that academic achievement is everything, but embed the concept telling students that studying is a chance to learn what they like to do.
Description: A preposition is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to with and destroy
Sentence: To reach this goal mean government should relax competition atmosphere in people mid.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to goal and mean
flaws:
Still have grammatical issues. Like:
To help these children is start with destroy the profound value...
Read a good grammar book.
Maybe this one: http://www.testbig.com/question/grammar
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 348 350
No. of Characters: 1771 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.319 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.089 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.455 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 126 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 65 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.635 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.611 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.273 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.489 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.074 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5