The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid — a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil — as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author recommends the use of fish oil to prevent absenteeism in schools and workplaces. Although the proposal is tempting and hides good aims – reducing absenteeism – it is necessary to examine some variables before implementing.
The author’s argument relies on a study related to the area East Meria. However, it does not seem the sample at issue is representative. In order to substantiate, his thesis the author has to take into account other cases. What if other studies reveal different results – that people who eat fish food are more likely to suffer from colds?
For the sake of argument, we might suppose that the study mentioned by the author is sufficiently representative. More evidence is required to establish that the relationship between eating fish food and not contracting colds is causal. The author indeed erroneously infers from the fact that in East Meria people who visit the doctor only once or twice a year are those who eat fish food on regular basis that eating food is responsible for not contracting colds. However, this may be not the case: perhaps there is another factor that can explain why people in East Meria do not suffer from colds. Perhaps, this element is the mild climate of the area; maybe that people own a favorable genetic code. In order to strengthen his position, the author should exclude these rival explanations.
However, much work is required. The author recommends the consumption of a substance derived from fish oil. Now, suppose that eating fish food actually prevents from contracting colds. In order to enhance his argument, the author has to establish that the main responsible for not suffering from colds is not any part of fishes different from their oil. In order to do that, the author might consider cases where people eating parts of fish different from their oil are more likely to contract colds.
Finally, the author assumes that the fish oil treatment does not have negative consequences. However, what if it causes certain particular disease? Perhaps, the body of people consuming oil fish cannot tolerate this substance. As a result, people can contract certain disease and this fact might increase the level of absenteeism. In order to strengthen his position, the author has to exclude that this is the case. He has to consider studies, if any, in which people eating food rich of fish oil do not display pathological behaviour.
In conclusion, the author offers a proposal that is motived by good aims. However, he had better improve his position to make it convincing. First, he has to take into account a representative sample. Second, he has to provide more information in order to establish that there is a causal relationship between fish food – in particular, fish oil – and the reduction in the number of colds. Finally, he has to exclude that the fish oil treatment does not have negative consequences.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 481 350
No. of Characters: 2342 1500
No. of Different Words: 196 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.683 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.869 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.635 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 167 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.179 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.691 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.321 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.502 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.118 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, finally, first, however, if, may, second, so, then, as to, in conclusion, in particular, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 28.8173652695 135% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 61.0 55.5748502994 110% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2435.0 2260.96107784 108% => OK
No of words: 486.0 441.139720559 110% => OK
Chars per words: 5.01028806584 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.69525374022 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76014292476 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 212.0 204.123752495 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.43621399177 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 747.0 705.55239521 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 42.4662380904 57.8364921388 73% => OK
Chars per sentence: 86.9642857143 119.503703932 73% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.3571428571 23.324526521 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.92857142857 5.70786347227 69% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 8.20758483034 219% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0365762585901 0.218282227539 17% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0133302322213 0.0743258471296 18% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0245450265297 0.0701772020484 35% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0317135307475 0.128457276422 25% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0345135752907 0.0628817314937 55% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.8 14.3799401198 75% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 48.3550499002 130% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 12.197005988 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.48 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.76 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 98.500998004 103% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.5 12.3882235529 52% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.