The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The manager of Monarch Books makes an assertion that once the bookstore substitute its space currently devoted to children’s books to an in-store café, it can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean. To substantiate this claim, he made several assumes that: (1)with an in-store café, Book and Bean will became a competitor to Monarch Books; (2)given the national census data, sales of children’s books must decline accordingly; (3)once Monarch Books builds its own café, it can surely increase profits. However, some questions are supposed to be answered before Monarch books takes this action.
Firstly, the recommendation of the speaker is based on the fact that Book and Beans is likely to open a Collegeville store, which can become a threat to Monarch Books’ business. However, it seems that the speaker is just so eager to draw a conclusion that he overestimates the likelihood of the competition. To begin with, there is chance that Book and Bean won’t open its Collegeville store since the announcement only declared its intention. Also, from the claim we can see that it was its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects that helped Monarch Books develop a large customer base, thus it is entirely possible that an in-store café cannot outweigh the beloved characters of Monarch Books. So, to assume that Book and Bean will become a competitor, the speaker needs some extra evidence, like if Book and Bean once significantly undermined a bookstore similar to Monarch Books.
Secondly, the speaker suggests that the sales of children’s books will decline considering the national census data indicates that percentage of the population under age ten decreases. In my opinion, this data can be so misleading that it cannot help the speaker validate his points. Decreasing in percentage doesn’t lead to the decrease in actual number, since if the total population of the nation increase while the population under ten stays unchanged, the percentage of which can seem to decline as well. Even though the population under age ten does declines, it cannot guarantee the decline in sales of children books. Besides read by children, the so-called children’s books can also serve the intention of some research work, like literary criticism. The speaker needs to provide data, which directly indicates the decline in sales of children’s books, in order to make his idea clear and sound.
Lastly, according to the proposal of the speaker, substituting the zone for children’s books to an in-store café can increase profits. It is likely that an in-store café can become popular among customers, but that does not assure profits. Cost is inevitable when building a café, while buying ingredients and paying for waiters also cost money. Theoretically the cost can be all covered by profits the café intends to make, however, without relevant experience of running a café, it is doubtable whether the manager can handle the new business well, which makes the choice of opening a café quite risky. Another question needs to be consider is, even though the manager manages to run the café well, can it be well enough to beat the café of Book and Bean, given that Book and Bean surely has more experience in running coffee shop. If the speaker intend to persuade the bookstore into building its own café, he should at least propose a feasible plan of how to manage the new business.
To sum up, the recommendation of the speaker that Monarch Books should open its own coffe shop is based on falsely developed reasoning and unfounded assumptions. To reinforce it, the speaker need to offer convincing evidence showing an actual decreasing in sales of children’s books. Additionally, he should prove that the relationship of competition between two bookstores does exist, and Monarch Books does have the ability to run a café well. After careful evaluation of the factors discussed above, the speaker’s opinion can be rendered more convincing.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 656 350
No. of Characters: 3255 1500
No. of Different Words: 285 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.061 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.962 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.68 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 226 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 185 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 120 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 77 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.978 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.792 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.355 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.548 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.163 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 328, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'become'
Suggestion: become
...th an in-store café, Book and Bean will became a competitor to Monarch Books; 2given t...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 927, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...d a bookstore similar to Monarch Books. Secondly, the speaker suggests that the ...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 637, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Besides,
...the decline in sales of children books. Besides read by children, the so-called childre...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
accordingly, also, besides, but, first, firstly, however, if, lastly, second, secondly, so, thus, well, while, at least, in my opinion, to begin with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 24.0 12.9520958084 185% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 23.0 13.6137724551 169% => OK
Pronoun: 47.0 28.8173652695 163% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 89.0 55.5748502994 160% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 16.3942115768 122% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3410.0 2260.96107784 151% => OK
No of words: 654.0 441.139720559 148% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.21406727829 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.05701727356 4.56307096286 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.915539299 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 302.0 204.123752495 148% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.461773700306 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 1048.5 705.55239521 149% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 15.0 4.22255489022 355% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 58.781315531 57.8364921388 102% => OK
Chars per sentence: 142.083333333 119.503703932 119% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.25 23.324526521 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.66666666667 5.70786347227 117% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.288197652791 0.218282227539 132% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0946087653857 0.0743258471296 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.102843895604 0.0701772020484 147% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.193783972893 0.128457276422 151% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.130183611866 0.0628817314937 207% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.7 14.3799401198 116% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.07 48.3550499002 91% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.23 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.45 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 144.0 98.500998004 146% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.