A movie producer sent the following memo to the head of the movie studio.
“We need to increase the funding for the movie Working Title by 10% in order to ensure a quality product. As you know, we are working with a first-time director, whose only previous experience has been shooting commercials for a shampoo company. Since the advertising business is notoriously wasteful, it stands to reason that our director will expect to be able to shoot take after take, without concern for how much time is being spent on any one scene. In addition, while we have saved money by hiring relatively inexperienced assistant producers and directors, this savings in salary will undoubtedly translate to greater expenditures in paying the actors and unionized crew overtime for the extra hours they will spend on the set waiting for the assistant directors and producers to arrange things. If we don’t get this extra money, the movie is virtually assured to be a failure.”
In this statment a movie producer asked for an increase in fund to shoot a movie and to ensure its quality. His resoning behind this is based on the directors and other assistant producers who are realtively inexpeienced. But to reach this conslusion the producer has made a number of assumptions which if proved wrong might result in weakening of the conslusion.
Firstly, the author assumed that as the director has previously worked only in commercials of shampoo, he will be wasteful in resources for shotting the movie. Although it might be true that the shooting advertisement might be wastef...
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| 2019-11-04 | Roshan Dhakal | 37 | view |
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- TOEFL TPO 43 - Integrated Writing Task 73
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: In this statment a movie producer asked for an increase in fund to shoot a movie and to ensure its quality.
Error: statment Suggestion: statement
Sentence: His resoning behind this is based on the directors and other assistant producers who are realtively inexpeienced.
Error: realtively Suggestion: relatively
Error: inexpeienced Suggestion: inexperienced
Error: resoning Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: But to reach this conslusion the producer has made a number of assumptions which if proved wrong might result in weakening of the conslusion.
Error: conslusion Suggestion: conclusion
Sentence: Firstly, the author assumed that as the director has previously worked only in commercials of shampoo, he will be wasteful in resources for shotting the movie.
Error: shotting Suggestion: shooting
Sentence: That might result in exploring different ideas which ultimately results in the apparent wastefullness.
Error: wastefullness Suggestion: wastefulness
Sentence: Secondly, it is assumed here that the relatively new assisant directors and the producers will take more time arrange things which will the result in higher pay for the actors and the crew.
Error: assisant Suggestion: assistant
Sentence: This assumptions need to be justified before allowing more funding and reaching the conclusion that without it the movie wiil fail.
Error: wiil Suggestion: wing
------------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 488 350
No. of Characters: 2307 1500
No. of Different Words: 181 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.7 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.727 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.637 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 109 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 90 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.081 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.542 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.304 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.51 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 190, Rule ID: WHO_NOUN[1]
Message: A noun should not follow "who". Try changing to a verb or maybe to 'who is a are'.
Suggestion: who is a are
...directors and other assistant producers who are realtively inexpeienced. But to reach t...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 304, Rule ID: IF_IS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'is'?
Suggestion: is
... has made a number of assumptions which if proved wrong might result in weakening ...
^^
Line 3, column 161, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Although” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ul in resources for shotting the movie. Although it might be true that the shooting adve...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 332, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'An' instead of 'A' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: An
... the wasteful behavior of the director. A advertisement has to be pithy to grab t...
^
Line 5, column 386, Rule ID: ALSO_SENT_END[1]
Message: 'Also' is not used at the end of the sentence. Use 'as well' instead.
Suggestion: as well
...rs. This can also be true for the crews also. Also the author did not consider the l...
^^^^
Line 5, column 392, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...is can also be true for the crews also. Also the author did not consider the learnin...
^^^^
Line 5, column 528, Rule ID: PERIOD_OF_TIME[1]
Message: Use simply 'period'.
Suggestion: period
...ht become for efficient in a very short period of time which will translate in saving more mon...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
... was needed to reach the conclusion. Also the producer has asked here for particu...
^^^^
Line 7, column 197, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: 'give'
Suggestion: give
...fication of extra money, but he did not gave the justification behind the particular...
^^^^
Line 7, column 292, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...the increase in funding he asked for. As hiring a relatively new directors and pr...
^^
Line 9, column 293, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: These
...f assumptions that are discussed above. This assumptions need to be justified before...
^^^^
Line 9, column 425, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...on that without it the movie wiil fail.
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, so, still, as to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 20.0 12.9520958084 154% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 11.1786427146 170% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2356.0 2260.96107784 104% => OK
No of words: 488.0 441.139720559 111% => OK
Chars per words: 4.82786885246 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70007681154 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.70137963227 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 186.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.381147540984 0.468620217663 81% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 735.3 705.55239521 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.9700518113 57.8364921388 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.1666666667 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.3333333333 23.324526521 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.70833333333 5.70786347227 47% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 12.0 5.25449101796 228% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.225969156469 0.218282227539 104% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0725480749219 0.0743258471296 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0723787840285 0.0701772020484 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.147465673548 0.128457276422 115% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0544462279018 0.0628817314937 87% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.73 12.5979740519 85% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.54 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 98.500998004 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.