The following appeared in a memo from the new vice president of Sartorian, a company that manufactures men's clothing.
"Five years ago, at a time when we had difficulties in obtaining reliable supplies of high quality wool fabric, we discontinued production of our alpaca overcoat. Now that we have a new fabric supplier, we should resume production. This coat should sell very well: since we have not offered an alpaca overcoat for five years and since our major competitor no longer makes an alpaca overcoat, there will be pent-up customer demand. Also, since the price of most types of clothing has increased in each of the past five years, customers should be willing to pay significantly higher prices for alpaca overcoats than they did five years ago, and our company profits will increase."
The vice president of Sartorian is trying to bring back the alpaca overcoats which were discontinued for five years in order to increase profits of their company.To support this he states that the company now has a new fabric supplier which would provide them with high quality of fibre.He further states that since there is no major competition in the market for alpaca overcoats their venture would yield profitable results and the overcoats would sell at a significantly higher price than they would five years ago. The argument rests on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions and therefore is unpersuasive as it stands.
Firstly,the author claims that the new supplier of fabric would be reliable in providing higher quality wool .This claim is not supported by any evidence. As the author states that their earlier supplier was not reliable in providing quality wool fabric , hence he should not blatantly trust the new supplier and start their production.Even if the new supplier is reliable he should have provided us with relevant evidence comparing the previous and current supplier illustrating that the new one provides better quality of fabric.
Secondly,the assumption that the vice president is making that the coat would sell very well since they have not offered alpaca overcoat in five years is specious.Since it is plausible that people’s taste and trends in clothing have changed in the past five years and they do not find these overcoats as trendy as before.Also the fact that author mentions that there is no major competition for production of alpaca overcoats does little to support his argument.As it provides us with evidence that people are no longer interested in these overcoats because if they were then other companies would also have thought of producing them.
Finally,the author bases the profits of alpaca overcoats over the assumption that the price of clothing has increased in five years and customers should pay significantly higher prices for alpaca overcoats is dubious.As the vice president does not provide us with any details concerning the price of the overcoats it is quite possible that the overcoats similar to the alpaca ones are cheaper and hence people would not be keen towards buying the new alpaca coats.Also the increase in prices of clothes does not translate to the fact that people will spend more to buy them.The increase in prices could be due to a myriad of factors like change in economic conditions, inflation, increase in the prices of raw materials .These factors should be considered by the vice president before hastily assuming that alpaca overcoats would be profitable.
In conclusion, I would like to say that the author’s argument is filled with logical flaws and incogent reasons.To make his argument more persuasive he should have provided us with enough evidence indicating the reliability of the new supplier.The author should analyse the market more comprehensively before starting the production of alpaca overcoats which are not being sold for five years.The author should also provide us with a detailed analogy illustrating the relationship between increase in prices of clothes and its connection to the alpaca overcoats.Had the author kept the above suggestions in mind his argument would have been bolstered much better with valid facts ,evidences or statistics.The argument would also be more convincing and well-reasoned.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 562 350
No. of Characters: 2827 1500
No. of Different Words: 232 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.869 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.03 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.609 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 214 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 150 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 111 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 51.091 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 29.072 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.431 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.71 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.252 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 163, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...er to increase profits of their company.To support this he states that the company...
^^
Line 2, column 288, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: He
...provide them with high quality of fibre.He further states that since there is no m...
^^
Line 6, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...npersuasive as it stands. Firstly,the author claims that the new supplier of ...
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Line 6, column 109, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...eliable in providing higher quality wool .This claim is not supported by any evide...
^^
Line 6, column 111, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: This
...iable in providing higher quality wool .This claim is not supported by any evidence....
^^^^
Line 6, column 254, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...eliable in providing quality wool fabric , hence he should not blatantly trust the...
^^
Line 6, column 337, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Even
...new supplier and start their production.Even if the new supplier is reliable he shou...
^^^^
Line 8, column 9, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
...es better quality of fabric. Secondly,the assumption that the vice president is m...
^^^^
Line 8, column 164, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Since
...paca overcoat in five years is specious.Since it is plausible that people’s taste and...
^^^^^
Line 8, column 322, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Also
...ind these overcoats as trendy as before.Also the fact that author mentions that ther...
^^^^
Line 8, column 322, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ind these overcoats as trendy as before.Also the fact that author mentions that ther...
^^^^
Line 8, column 463, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: As
...ats does little to support his argument.As it provides us with evidence that peopl...
^^
Line 11, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , the
... thought of producing them. Finally,the author bases the profits of alpaca over...
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Line 11, column 218, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: As
... prices for alpaca overcoats is dubious.As the vice president does not provide us ...
^^
Line 11, column 465, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Also
...een towards buying the new alpaca coats.Also the increase in prices of clothes does ...
^^^^
Line 11, column 465, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...een towards buying the new alpaca coats.Also the increase in prices of clothes does ...
^^^^
Line 11, column 575, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...that people will spend more to buy them.The increase in prices could be due to a my...
^^^
Line 11, column 720, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
... increase in the prices of raw materials .These factors should be considered by th...
^^
Line 11, column 722, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: These
...ncrease in the prices of raw materials .These factors should be considered by the vic...
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Line 15, column 113, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: To
...with logical flaws and incogent reasons.To make his argument more persuasive he s...
^^
Line 15, column 115, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...th logical flaws and incogent reasons.To make his argument more persuasive he sho...
^^
Line 15, column 246, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...ing the reliability of the new supplier.The author should analyse the market more c...
^^^
Line 15, column 395, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...which are not being sold for five years.The author should also provide us with a de...
^^^
Line 15, column 564, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Had
... its connection to the alpaca overcoats.Had the author kept the above suggestions i...
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Line 15, column 681, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...n bolstered much better with valid facts ,evidences or statistics.The argument wou...
^^
Line 15, column 707, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...th valid facts ,evidences or statistics.The argument would also be more convincing ...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, firstly, hence, if, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, well, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 21.0 12.9520958084 162% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 51.0 28.8173652695 177% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 69.0 55.5748502994 124% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2892.0 2260.96107784 128% => OK
No of words: 545.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 5.30642201835 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.83169070408 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8445977049 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 236.0 204.123752495 116% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.433027522936 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 891.0 705.55239521 126% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 7.0 19.7664670659 35% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 77.0 22.8473053892 337% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 267.063930281 57.8364921388 462% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 413.142857143 119.503703932 346% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 77.8571428571 23.324526521 334% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 14.2857142857 5.70786347227 250% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 26.0 5.25449101796 495% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.138471131449 0.218282227539 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0788139355967 0.0743258471296 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0469695456513 0.0701772020484 67% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.091503449952 0.128457276422 71% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0406200445223 0.0628817314937 65% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 42.5 14.3799401198 296% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: -6.68 48.3550499002 -14% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 13.0 7.1628742515 181% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 33.3 12.197005988 273% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 14.7 12.5979740519 117% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 10.58 8.32208582834 127% => OK
difficult_words: 108.0 98.500998004 110% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 29.0 12.3882235529 234% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 32.8 11.1389221557 294% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.