The following appeared in a memo to managers of Christine's, a chain of craft stores.
"Several major newspapers have recently run articles noting an increased interest in pottery. The number of potters in this country has risen by eighteen percent in the past five years, and pottery is particularly gaining popularity on college campuses. In order to take advantage of these trends, Christine's should immediately begin carrying a larger volume of pottery supplies. Since several of our stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies, all store managers should reallocate shelf space from the painting area for the display of pottery. Stores should display posters showing pottery that is designed to appeal to college-age individuals. These actions will undoubtedly increase our profits dramatically."
In the above memo presented, the author asks the managers of Christine’s to increase pottery supplies in the stores as he feels people are getting more inclined and affectionate towards pottery and hence it would wax the profits of the company. The above argument does make a point, but it is not profound enough to be accepted.
Firstly, the person making the argument states that there have been several articles in major newspapers about the growing interest of public in pottery. But he does not mention the proper time about the article. It may be possible that the articles were in trend as there was a major ongoing crafts exhibition in the city, and people may have turned out in greater numbers this time to visit it. But this does not directly indicate people’s liking toward pottery. Also, he states that the number of potters had increased by 18% in five years in the country. Though it may be true, it is a possibility that the increase may have been only in one particular area in the city that reflects the overall figure. Hence, the pottery sales must not be increased throughout all stores.
The author also fails to explain the relationship of this with the college campus students. There is no warranted proof showing that the trends have hit the college students. This could just be the author’s assumption that the youth are more inclined towards pottery. Also, he suggests keeping a banner outside the stores that relate the youth and pottery. Pottery is a hobby that is followed by many retired or working professionals. So the concentration must only be restricted to college students. Also, the interest seen in youth is very capricious and changes with the trend and fast with time. So there is no certainty to the interest pattern the show.
Ahead, the author mentions the painting supplies to be replaced by pottery supplies, as there has been decrease in the sales of the former one. But the author does not assess the reasons behind this. There could be a possibility that the sales have been down as they are sold in lower prices by the rival stores in vicinity. Also, the author asks to replace the shelf and the display areas by pottery stuffs and remove the painting ones. But this may seem to displease the old and regular customers, who like painting, and this would lead to a further decrease in sales.
Thus the above argument is far less than convincing and fails to give enough bolstering views to it. The author should assess the trends in all forms and for all ages and also try to find solutions that can balance all interests of the people and give maximum profit.
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not OK. You don't just ask for evidence: 'There is no warranted proof showing that the trends have hit the college students.' This is not the loophole.
argument 3 -- not OK. Need to argue against the conclusion: 'These actions will undoubtedly increase our profits dramatically.'
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 457 350
No. of Characters: 2109 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.624 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.615 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.335 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 106 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 62 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 25 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.042 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.249 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.792 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.278 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.481 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.073 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5