The following is a memorandum from the director of personnel to the president of Get-Away Airlines.
"Since our mechanics are responsible for inspecting and maintaining our aircraft, Get-Away Airlines should pay to send them to the Quality-Care Seminar, a two-week seminar on proper maintenance procedures. I recommend this seminar because it is likely to be a wise investment, given that the automobile racing industry recently reported that the performance of its maintenance crews improved markedly after their crews had attended the seminar. These maintenance crews perform many of the same functions as do our mechanics, including refueling and repairing engines. The money we spend on sending our staff to the seminar will inevitably lead to improved maintenance and thus to greater customer satisfaction along with greater profits for our airline."
In this memo the personnel director of Get-Away Airlines recommends that Get-Away Airlines should pay to send their mechanics to the Quality-Care Seminar. In addition, he concludes that the money spending on this commission will contribute not only to improved maintenance but also to greater customer satisfaction and greater profits for the airline. To support this recommendation he cites that it is likely to be a wise investment due to a recent report of the automobile racing industry which claims improvement in performance of its maintenance crews after their crews attendance in the seminar. He also points out that these maintenance crews conduct many of the same functions as do Get-Away Airlines’ mechanics, including refueling and repairing engines. A careful examination of this evidence reveals that it lends little credence to this recommendation for several respects.
First, author unfairly assumes that the great effect of the Quality-Care Seminar on the performance improvement of maintenance crews of automobile racing industry can guarantee an efficient influence on maintenance improvement of Get-Away Airlines’ mechanics. The seminar might include eruditions only effective for maintaining automobiles and not encompass instructive information or skills about maintaining airplanes. Without considering and ruling out this and other possibilities the author cannot justifiably conclude that this seminar will be helpful for the proper maintenance procedures in Get-Away Airlines.
Second, the author tenuously assumes that the automobile maintenance crews perform some same functions as do Get-Away Airlines’ mechanics, including refueling and repairing engines. However he provides no evidence that refueling and repairing engines of automobile require the same knowledge and skills as the airplanes’. There might be significant discrepancies in the engines’ performance and features of automobiles and airplanes and therefore require different functions and maintenance process.
Third, even assuming that this seminar will be a beneficial factor in increasing maintenance qualities, the greater customer satisfaction and greater profits of Get-Away Airlines can not be substantially credited. Since the good maintenance process is not the only factor that leads to satisfactory performance of Get-Away Airlines. There are other key factors such as decent behavior and communication of the employees with the customers and convenient facilities which have great influence on satisfying the customers’ desires. Moreover, greater profits for Get-Away Airlines is not merely the result of good performance and high earning of the airline. It will be the result of all the costs and expenses including the money spent on sending staff to seminar besides the airlines’ incomes. The costs of the seminar might be so high in comparison with its monetary benefits that consequently leads to no increase in profit or even to no profit at all.
In sum, I find this recommendation specious on several grounds. To bolster it the author must provide clear information about the data and subjects that will be covered in the seminar and their relevance with the airplanes’ maintenance. To better assess the strength of this argument he must point out the possible differences between the structure of automobiles’ engine and airplanes’ engine. It would also be helpful to know about the other performance features of the airlines and their facilities and to consider the exact expenses of the seminars and its probable monetary profits.
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2017-09-16 | mohamed.abaza | 52 | view |
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not exactly.
suggested:
the argument concludes from the mere fact that the performance of auto-racing mechanics improved after the seminar that the seminar was responsible for this improvement. However, it is possible that some other factor, such as improved diagnostic technology or more stringent inspection requirements, was the reason for the improved performance. Without ruling out these and other such possibilities, we cannot accept the memo's final conclusion that enrolling in the seminar will improve the performance of Get-Away's mechanics as well.
argument 3 -- OK
flaws:
No. of Words: 532 350
Less content wanted for the introduction and conclusion. For issue essays, around 450 words, for argument essays, around 400 words.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 532 350
No. of Characters: 2973 1500
No. of Different Words: 224 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.803 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.588 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.046 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 243 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 211 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 158 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 103 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.592 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.329 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.53 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.116 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5