33. People who develop many different skills are more successful than people who focus on one skill only.
Nowadays, people study hard to be accepted by high-ranking universities, and learn English language to apply for higher education levels so that they could achieve success. In fact, for today’s people, success means fulfilling their common desires, a decent job. Controversy surrounds the issue of whether an individual should mater a specific skill or many skills to succeed. Some people are of the opinion that mastering a skill brings an individual better performance due to allocating sufficient time to learn a lot about it. I believe that developing a wide variety of skills would contribute to an individual’s accomplishment for some reasons.
One of the most interesting facets of the current discussion which demands a keen contemplation is that job market needs an employee with various skills. Quickly growth of the number of eligible candidates for limited job vacancies causes an employee, who thinks about earning more profit, hires a person who has a broaden knowledge. For example, by increasing competition among many banks to capture more and more customers’ attention, employers need to have clerks with not only expertise in accounting but also skills in respectfully and friendly behaving customers in order to keep customers satisfied with all aspects of their jobs, which creates more and more heavy investment for the bank.
Another noteworthy facet of the ongoing discussion that should be reflected is that more skills provides you with a convenient life. There are many students attempting to apply abroad for continuing their education. What these students need to know is not just studying. In fact, they need to learn how to cook food at dormitory, how to communicate with other students from other foreign countries not to feel isolated there, and how to deal with inevitable problems. If they learn how to make instant decisions in an emergency situation, how to socialize with others, and generally how to live on their own, they will achieve theirs. This achievement will not be gained unless they have not only academic skills but also social skills, and of course, daily living skills.
To sum up, people could be successful as long as they will be able to develop various skills that would result in exceeding others while applying for a trustworthy job and living a comfortable life. I hope that people become aware of the needs of today’s society and prepare themselves according to the society’s criteria.
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more skills provides you with a convenient life
more skills provide you with a convenient life
flaws:
Don't use 'not only...but also...' a lot of times in one essay. One time is enough.
Don't write a sentence too long:
For example, by increasing competition among many banks to capture more and more customers’ attention, employers need to have clerks with not only expertise in accounting but also skills in respectfully and friendly behaving customers in order to keep customers satisfied with all aspects of their jobs, which creates more and more heavy investment for the bank.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 397 350
No. of Characters: 2010 1500
No. of Different Words: 225 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.464 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.063 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.726 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 153 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 110 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.812 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.887 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.438 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.306 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.518 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.104 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5