Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Money can't buy happiness.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Happiness is a difficult word to define, in general. Everyone has different way of measuring happiness. Some people believe that money can buy happiness, while others disagree. As far as I am concerned, although having a lot of money offers us more choices of what we can do, money can't buy happiness because money can't buy love and time.
To begin with, money can't buy love. Happy life usually come from having good friends and family who care about us. Being around loved one makes our life meaningful and happy. For example, I have read an article about famous actress in Japan who recently became depression. She has been very popular in Japan for last several years because of her beauty and fantastic acting skill. Even though she was earning a huge amount of money every year, she was not happy because she didn't have any close friends or loved one who really care about her. On the other hand, I have seen many people who have happy lives without money because they are surrounded by love.
In addition to the previous point, in often case, people have to work very hard to earn a lot of money, which means they have less time for their private life. For example, one of my friends how own his business works 6 days a week. He is successful person cause he earns good money. However, he is busy all the time so that he doesn't have time to spend his money as well as he is stressed out. Even though people have money, if they don't have time to enjoy their life, it is worthless money.
To sum up, although money is important for us, it can't buy happiness because love and quality of life bring you happiness.
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Sentence: In addition to the previous point, in often case, people have to work very hard to earn a lot of money, which means they have less time for their private life.
Description: The fragment in often case is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace often with adjective
Sentence: For example, one of my friends how own his business works 6 days a week.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to own and his
flaws:
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 73 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 49 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 26 40
Need more arguments before examples.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 299 350
No. of Characters: 1291 1500
No. of Different Words: 171 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.158 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.318 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.087 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 73 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 49 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 26 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 17 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.588 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.332 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.349 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.532 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.239 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5