Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
With the increasingly attractive and tempting entainment materials, people are trapped in. Some indulge themselves in without even a glance to their responsibility. Some go ahead into it with the excuse for relaxing after a whole day work. Still others are controled by the enjoyment-doing things and overwhelmed with the fighting between things they have to do and things they like to do. Keeping the observation in mind, and with my own experience, I agree with the statement that people take too much time to do personal entainment than things than doing things as their responsibility, that is, the things they should do.
First, they may harm their own bodies with such indulgence in personal enjoyment, by neglecting ragular exercise, which is the things they should do to keep healthy. Computer games, TV programs, and comic books are among the magic personal enjoyment which will keep us away from the beautiful outside world. With the large investment in time on all these material, as most people do, they will not have enough time on sporting, walking, or simply enjoying sunlight and take a clear breathe, which are what they should do if they want maintain their health.
Second, some people neglect their own family as well as friends as they are absorbed, totally, into the personal enjoyment. Do you ever have experience that some one ask you to eat dinner and you put off it for the tasks on your hands, such as unfinished TV program, games, or even a piece of work treated as personal enjoyment? In my observation, and my own experience especially, it can't be more common. We all have something that are more important than the relationship with families or friends for some moment, some are video games, while some are some habits, which we spend too much time on them rather than getting along with our family or friends, which is what we should do.
Third, the worst one in all the situation is that some people let the enjoyment use their work time. Some use time to surf on the internet, reading facebook, or even playing computer games, while others may ask a day off for sick while go to enjoy their habits, say fishing for instance. All these seemed absurd statements really happen in today's world and, supprisingly, we may familiar with someone doing it right now. This kind of people really make their personal enjoyment weigh much higher than their responsbility, their job.
With three reason and facts stated above, I agree with the statement, people now use too much time on personal entainment than their responsibility, keeping their health, getting along with family, and their works.
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Sentence: With the large investment in time on all these material, as most people do, they will not have enough time on sporting, walking, or simply enjoying sunlight and take a clear breathe, which are what they should do if they want maintain their health.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to clear and breathe
Sentence: Do you ever have experience that some one ask you to eat dinner and you put off it for the tasks on your hands, such as unfinished TV program, games, or even a piece of work treated as personal enjoyment?
Description: A numeral, cardinal is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to one and ask
Sentence: Some use time to surf on the internet, reading facebook, or even playing computer games, while others may ask a day off for sick while go to enjoy their habits, say fishing for instance.
Description: The fragment while go to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace go with verb, past tense
Sentence: All these seemed absurd statements really happen in today's world and, supprisingly, we may familiar with someone doing it right now.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to may and familiar
Sentence: With the increasingly attractive and tempting entainment materials, people are trapped in.
Error: entainment Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Still others are controled by the enjoyment-doing things and overwhelmed with the fighting between things they have to do and things they like to do.
Error: controled Suggestion: controlled
Sentence: Keeping the observation in mind, and with my own experience, I agree with the statement that people take too much time to do personal entainment than things than doing things as their responsibility, that is, the things they should do.
Error: entainment Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: First, they may harm their own bodies with such indulgence in personal enjoyment, by neglecting ragular exercise, which is the things they should do to keep healthy.
Error: ragular Suggestion: regular
Sentence: All these seemed absurd statements really happen in today's world and, supprisingly, we may familiar with someone doing it right now.
Error: supprisingly Suggestion: surprisingly
Sentence: This kind of people really make their personal enjoyment weigh much higher than their responsbility, their job.
Error: responsbility Suggestion: responsibility
Sentence: With three reason and facts stated above, I agree with the statement, people now use too much time on personal entainment than their responsibility, keeping their health, getting along with family, and their works.
Error: entainment Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 445 350
No. of Characters: 2117 1500
No. of Different Words: 206 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.593 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.757 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.476 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 135 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 89 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.176 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.713 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.337 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.561 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.144 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5