Should we respect our young children (age 5-10) to learn music and art in addition to math, science, history, and language.
When it comes to the term of education to the children, different opinions vary from person to person. Should we respect our young children to learn music and art in addition to math, science, ect. Many parents will force their children to concentrate on their subject so that they can get good grades in their class. However, I totally disagree with this statement. From my own perspective, It's wiser for parents to allow the children learn music and art rather than exclusively study the course in school. I would like to explore my two primary ones here.
Firstly, Interest is the best teacher,instead of the school. Preference contributes to one of the most significant elements that determine whether the children are capable of learning it very well. If a child is extremely fond in the music and art, such as cello, oil paint, they will definitely enjoy the process of learning it. As a result, there's no doubt they can understand it and take good control of these knowledge. More importantly, It's possible for them to realise how to study, which certainly benefit to their whole life. For instance, my older brother, who learned cello when he was 6 years old, he fancy the sound of cello, that's why he could practice every day without the push from his parents. When he played the cello, he always devoted himself to it. Meanwhile, it's he that recognised as the best student in his class. Hard to say that is irrelevent to his lessons that he has learned from the music, that is , insistence and concentration.
Secondly, playing music or painting make efforts to their futural life. There's no denying the fact that they will gain a mental content when playing the music or painting. Besides, no matter when they are extraordinaryly pleasant or deep in sorrow, they can use art to express their emotion, that in hence, belance their mood. Furthermore, whenever their school or futural company have a party, they get the opportunity to show their work. Take my brother as an exmple as well, when his company have an anniversary, It's he the only individual who can play the music instrument in his company. Accordingly, his boss became proud of him and increased his salary as award.
To draw my conclusion, take the children's interest and the harvest in their future into consideration, I suggest that it's more sagacious for the parents to respect the young chidren to learn music and art while keep pace with their school course.
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Sentence: For instance, my older brother, who learned cello when he was 6 years old, he fancy the sound of cello, that's why he could practice every day without the push from his parents.
Description: The fragment he fancy the is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace fancy with verb, past tense
Sentence: Meanwhile, it's he that recognised as the best student in his class.
Description: The tag a pronoun, personal, nominative, 3rd person singular is not usually followed by that
Suggestion: Refer to he and that
Sentence: Secondly, playing music or painting make efforts to their futural life.
Description: The fragment painting make efforts is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace make with verb, past tense
Sentence: More importantly, It's possible for them to realise how to study, which certainly benefit to their whole life.
Error: realise Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Meanwhile, it's he that recognised as the best student in his class.
Error: recognised Suggestion: recognized
Sentence: Hard to say that is irrelevent to his lessons that he has learned from the music, that is , insistence and concentration.
Error: irrelevent Suggestion: irrelevant
Sentence: Secondly, playing music or painting make efforts to their futural life.
Error: futural Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Besides, no matter when they are extraordinaryly pleasant or deep in sorrow, they can use art to express their emotion, that in hence, belance their mood.
Error: extraordinaryly Suggestion: extraordinarily
Error: belance Suggestion: balance
Sentence: Furthermore, whenever their school or futural company have a party, they get the opportunity to show their work.
Error: futural Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Take my brother as an exmple as well, when his company have an anniversary, It's he the only individual who can play the music instrument in his company.
Error: exmple Suggestion: example
Sentence: To draw my conclusion, take the children's interest and the harvest in their future into consideration, I suggest that it's more sagacious for the parents to respect the young chidren to learn music and art while keep pace with their school course.
Error: chidren Suggestion: children
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 421 350
No. of Characters: 1968 1500
No. of Different Words: 228 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.53 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.675 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.472 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 125 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.136 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.142 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.277 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.444 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.149 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5