25. The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The following application appeals to a group of developers that a jazz music club in Monroe would be very good and profitable business because jazz is very popular in the area. There is no jazz club around, jazz is favorite genre in the area, and a study has shown that jazz fan spends money on it. However, the applicant needs to provide more information and evidences to support the argument.
Application explains that the closest jazz club is 65 miles away, so that a new jazz club should attracts the local people in Monroe. But it misses a few points that need to be looked at. First, the arguments assumed that a new jazz club definitely attracts the people just because it is closer than the other club. Perhaps, people are willing to travel far distance and enjoy the music and the atmosphere. Or there are not enough people who are interested in jazz music club. Moreover, it never mentions how they would be able to bring people to a new club. Therefore, it does not perfectly support the reason why it is profitable.
As a second reason, the applicant mentioned that jazz is very popular in Monroe. However, the premises on the argument are not reliable. 100,000 people who attended the jazz festival do not only count on the local people but also people from outside. In addition, it is not clear correlations between number of musicians in the area and popularity. Also, high-rated jazz radio program merely means that other programs are boring, or that is the only music program available at 7 PM. Or, it looks popular because it is commute time when many people are on the road.
Furthermore, it mentions the nationwide research that shows how much money jazz fans spend. This point assumes that nationwide sample surely applies to the smaller group in the local, however, it only weaken the argument. Since it is not the research subjected only the jazz fans in Monroe, it does not guarantee that they are willing to spend $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
The following application asserts that a new jazz club have great potential to make profit in Monroe city because it jazz is very popular in the area, however, it provides too little and unreliable information to persuade the group of developers. Therefore, all the reasons that supported the ideas are too superficial; it needs more market research and detailed information.
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Sentence: Application explains that the closest jazz club is 65 miles away, so that a new jazz club should attracts the local people in Monroe.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to should and attracts
Argument 1 -- OK
Argument 2 -- OK
Argument 3 -- NOT OK. How did you get 'however, it only weaken the argument.'?
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 406 350
No. of Characters: 1902 1500
No. of Different Words: 185 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.489 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.685 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.475 2.4
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 62 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.46 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.325 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.52 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.046 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5