A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring.
In the above argument, the author tried to co-related the stimulating situation of the human with the money without providing any evidence in support of his claim. The argument is flawed as in the argument he only mentions about the study that talks about the stimulating situation of money, he didn't provided any study about the human expect of one line that Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations.
In the argument, the author made his conclusion based on the study that was done only on eighteen monkeys. But his conclusion is not justified as he made his conclusion just because eighteen monkeys are exhibiting certain situations, the author concluded that stimulating situations, firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol. And he also didn't mention the type of environment the study was being done and the procedure of carrying out the study.
Moving ahead he says that Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations as monkeys do, but failed to provide any evidence in support of his claim like whether both the monkeys and the human possess similar hormonal reactions to the stimulus. The correlations might be logical to an extent, but they do not strengthen his argument.
Hence, we can say that the argument is flawed as the result could be varying in many different circumstances and the conclusion should be made on the extensive study not like in the argument where the author had made his conclusion on the limited study.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 15
No. of Words: 261 350
No. of Characters: 1289 1500
No. of Different Words: 118 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.019 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.939 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.686 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 92 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 75 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 32.625 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.338 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.495 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.738 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.283 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 296, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
... the stimulating situation of money, he didnt provided any study about the human expe...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 375, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
...ch of the hormone cortisol. And he also didnt mention the type of environment the stu...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 26, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... the study. Moving ahead he says that Firstborn humans also produce relatively...
^^
Line 7, column 81, Rule ID: NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT[1]
Message: Use simply 'many'.
Suggestion: many
...lawed as the result could be varying in many different circumstances and the conclusion should...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, if, so, then
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.6327345309 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 12.9520958084 31% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 38.0 55.5748502994 68% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1317.0 2260.96107784 58% => More number of characters wanted.
No of words: 259.0 441.139720559 59% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.08494208494 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.01166760082 4.56307096286 88% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72668346187 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 122.0 204.123752495 60% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.471042471042 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 417.6 705.55239521 59% => syllable counts are too short.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 8.0 19.7664670659 40% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 32.0 22.8473053892 140% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 79.0109762944 57.8364921388 137% => OK
Chars per sentence: 164.625 119.503703932 138% => OK
Words per sentence: 32.375 23.324526521 139% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.625 5.70786347227 81% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.188749262862 0.218282227539 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.087649302803 0.0743258471296 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0372285732228 0.0701772020484 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.114696266673 0.128457276422 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0515178168123 0.0628817314937 82% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.7 14.3799401198 130% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.0 48.3550499002 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.8 12.197005988 130% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.78 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.7 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 57.0 98.500998004 58% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.8 11.1389221557 133% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.