In a laboratory study of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, a concentrated solution of UltraClean produced a 40 percent greater reduction in the bacteria population than did the liquid hand soaps currently used in our hospitals. During a subsequent test of UltraClean at our hospital in Workby, that hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patient infection than did any of the other hospitals in our group. Therefore, to prevent serious patient infections, we should supply UltraClean at all hand-washing stations throughout our hospital system.
The author claims that supply of ultraclean at all hand-washing stations throughout hospital system results the prevention of serious patient infection than that of other hospital that uses the liquid hand soaps. To bolster his claim, author cited some evidences but that are not sufficient. So, the author needs to cite the following evidences in order to make his argument more sound.
Firstly, author claims that the concentrated solution of ultraclean produced the 40 percent reduction in bacteria population as compare to the liquid hand soaps, but he fails to cite the fact that, whether the concentrated solution of ultraclean hand soap is safe to use or not. There may be the possibility of harmful side effect to the hospital patient who uses the concentrated ultraclean in reference to liquid soaps rather it may show the initial effectiveness. So, the author must explain its authorized use among the patients.
Secondly, the author claims that, the reduction of serious patient infection is as a result of replacing the liquid hand soap by the concentrated solution of ultraclean whereas he fails to include other factors in hospital that may also responsible in reduction of patient infections. Such as, reduction in the patient infection might be due to the increase priority in the proper management of hospital wastes and daily cleaning of hospital areas where the patient numbers is high. So, the author must explain these factors in order to bolster his argument.
Last but not least, the author claims that, the serious patient reported significantly fewer in his hospital than other hospital group but he fails to explain the various factors beside the use of hand soap that are responsible for the increase in serious patient infection. In other hospital groups there might be lack of better management of hospital wastes, drinking water, toilet and bathrooms, sleeping beds of patient, etc. which are also more responsible in causing the patient infection. So, author must cite this facts regarding to other hospital groups in order to bolster his arguments.
Due to lack of these evidences the claim of author expresses the flaws. In order to bolster his argument more effectively author should mention the above facts clearly.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 364 350
No. of Characters: 1852 1500
No. of Different Words: 150 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.368 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.088 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.655 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.823 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.786 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.42 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.63 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.146 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 518, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...patient infection. So, author must cite this facts regarding to other hospital group...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, if, may, regarding, second, secondly, so, whereas, such as, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 19.6327345309 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1901.0 2260.96107784 84% => OK
No of words: 364.0 441.139720559 83% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.22252747253 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.36792674256 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.69620009053 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 155.0 204.123752495 76% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.425824175824 0.468620217663 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 571.5 705.55239521 81% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 0.0 4.96107784431 0% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 80.3809264274 57.8364921388 139% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.733333333 119.503703932 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.2666666667 23.324526521 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.53333333333 5.70786347227 114% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.198244605093 0.218282227539 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0732861419087 0.0743258471296 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.122261707043 0.0701772020484 174% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.131719819322 0.128457276422 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.126180352593 0.0628817314937 201% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 14.3799401198 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.29 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.82 8.32208582834 94% => OK
difficult_words: 69.0 98.500998004 70% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.