Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little on public health and that other measure are required.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?
In last decades, several surveys have been conducted to ascertain the best means of boosting up public health. Whereas some people are of the opinion that increasing the number of sports facilities is the best way to improve public health, I believe that several underlying factors contribute to this theme.
The cost of life has experienced a dramatic expansion during recent decades, therefore people endeavor to supplement their family's income by working long hours. The people, having conservative perspective to the world affairs perceive that people's sedentary lifestyle has an adverse impact on their health, and implicated in several terminal diseases, such as obesity, heart attack, etc. Thus, they believe that legislation should be imposed by government to prohibit working, exceed eight hours day to provide more time for people to do physical activities. Moreover, city council should subsidize sports services by giving government grants to the companies that dispense those services. In addition, they should formulate new policies to stimulate children at school to do more exercises, if they want to deliver healthy people in society in future.
Although, some remarks, admitted by relevant persons seem reasonable, some people, myself included, with radical conception to this phenomenon conceive that distinct fundamental elements pose threat on people health, such as pollution, people ignorance, unhealthy food products, etc. For instance, many years ago, the mortality incidence was very high due to a lack of consideration of hygienic issues, but this figure is very low in modern life owing to the fact that people have been given information to how possess robust body. Furthermore, mounting evidence ascribes several plagues, look as though cancer, asthma and other illnesses, to the modern lifestyle obstacles, such as unhealthy food products. Thereby, government should rectify people lifestyle, if they want to improve public health. For instance, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food products, tobacco and alcohol, attributed to poor health.
In conclusion, notwithstanding, the physical activity is indispensable for having healthy body, I think that modifying other obstacles in society have more influence on public health.
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Comments
hello Other, however, say
hello
Other, however, say that this would have little on public health and that other measure are required.
because, topic asked us to consider both side, furthermore I did not agree to the subject and I argued that other measures contribute to people health. And I gave my notion with some examples. could please reassess my essay :)
Thank you
Well, you need to talk about
Well, you need to talk about the advantages of sports facilities in the second paragraph.
and in the third paragraph, you need to talk that it is not enough by only increasing the number of sports facilities.
The marks will be very low if you don't focus on the essay topic.
flaws:
The second paragraph is not exactly right on the topic.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 9
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 343 350
No. of Characters: 1880 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.304 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.481 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.687 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.583 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 19.076 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.358 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.577 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.057 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5