The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this memo, the director argues that Buckingham college should build a number of new dormitories to serve the housing needs of the students. Although this argument may seem convincing at first, the lack of evidence leads me to question the validity of the argument.
first, the director needs to provide solid evidence on inadequate dormitory space as growing buckingham’s enrollment. it is possible that growing buckingham’s enrollment will not double over the next 50 years. it is just a prediction, so there might be no increasing of enrollment. Though buckingham’s enrollment will grow, even double in the following years, it is plausible that some students of the college do not need dormitories. Indeed, the number of students who need dormitories does not equal to the number of students who enroll the college. Thus, enrollment may not be growing, and more enrollment might not make existing dormitory space inadequate.
Second, the director needs to add concrete evidence on students’ difficulty by increasing apartment rent. it is possible that some students live with their family in the town. Then, they might not need to live in the dormitory and pay for apartment rent. they might not be difficult to afford off-campus housing. even if students live alone in the apartment in the town, it is likely that they receive scholarship from the college or earn allowance from their parents. they also may not be hard to afford off-campus housing. Therefore, increasing apartment rent may be irrelevant to difficulty of students who live off the campus.
Lastly, more evidence is needed on the soundness of the conclusion that attractive new dormitories yield increasing enrollment of prospective students. In all likelihood, some students do not need dormitories as the circumstances stated above. they might be indifferent to the attractive new dormitories. In addition, it is entirely possible that students are not fascinated by good dormitories, but are fascinated by helpful education of the college or research environment of the college. they may consider education more important than dormitories when they choose colleges. In other words, attractive new dormitories might not be helpful for more enrollment.
In summary, the director’s claim is unconvincing on many grounds. To bolster the argument, the director needs to provide pieces of specific evidence on good effects of new dormitories.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 381 350
No. of Characters: 1983 1500
No. of Different Words: 158 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.418 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.205 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.92 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 145 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 124 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 102 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 65 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.037 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.389 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.644 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
In this memo, the director argues that B...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...tion the validity of the argument. first, the director needs to provide sol...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 19, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: First
...of the argument. first, the director needs to provide solid ev...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 142, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...s growing buckingham's enrollment. it is possible that growing buckingham&apo...
^^
Line 5, column 239, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...will not double over the next 50 years. it is just a prediction, so there might be...
^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...isting dormitory space inadequate. Second, the director needs to add concre...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 130, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...ifficulty by increasing apartment rent. it is possible that some students live wit...
^^
Line 9, column 279, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: They
...e dormitory and pay for apartment rent. they might not be difficult to afford off-ca...
^^^^
Line 9, column 337, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Even
...difficult to afford off-campus housing. even if students live alone in the apartment...
^^^^
Line 9, column 493, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: They
...e or earn allowance from their parents. they also may not be hard to afford off-camp...
^^^^
Line 13, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... students who live off the campus. Lastly, more evidence is needed on the s...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 263, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: They
...ries as the circumstances stated above. they might be indifferent to the attractive ...
^^^^
Line 13, column 510, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: They
...or research environment of the college. they may consider education more important t...
^^^^
Line 17, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ot be helpful for more enrollment. In summary, the director's claim is...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, lastly, may, second, so, then, therefore, thus, in addition, in summary, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 27.0 16.3942115768 165% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2076.0 2260.96107784 92% => OK
No of words: 381.0 441.139720559 86% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.44881889764 5.12650576532 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.41805628031 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.18225207258 2.78398813304 114% => OK
Unique words: 170.0 204.123752495 83% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.446194225722 0.468620217663 95% => OK
syllable_count: 633.6 705.55239521 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 35.1245690325 57.8364921388 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 90.2608695652 119.503703932 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.5652173913 23.324526521 71% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.73913043478 5.70786347227 83% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 14.0 5.25449101796 266% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.285522121173 0.218282227539 131% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0866647667302 0.0743258471296 117% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.106280897385 0.0701772020484 151% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.168867003256 0.128457276422 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0952738012197 0.0628817314937 152% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 14.3799401198 87% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 46.78 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.03 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.5 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 74.0 98.500998004 75% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.