Some people believe that the government should provide financial assistance to all artists including painters musicians and poets Others think that it is a waste of money

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Some people believe that the government should provide financial assistance to all artists including painters, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money.

There are so many things to do to survive in life, being an artist, for instance. Some people are tend to be cynical to this profession rather than being a banker, for example, by judging the government spends much money for unworthy things. Financing artists may be done in some ways, academic and non-academic, and both would give positive impacts for their future. Indeed, there are also drawbacks for the government. So, I position myself in both disagree and agree.

In non-academic aspect, there are some media, nowadays, providing them a chance for being an artist for whom have the ability to show outstanding skills, American Idol, for instance. American Idol is one of many programs encouraging young people to be a singer. This is good for them, of course, they may level up their status in their society. On this aspect, government should participate by facilitating them a theater, for example. On the other hand, media should not focus in particular skill, like singing. They should also make a competition in painting, so equitable skill-development would be varied.

In academic aspect, however, artists may be supported by giving young people varied scholarships to improve their skill in art field. It is obvious, the government would spend much money for this, to orient them towards their interest. They are, of course, would pay off for what the government do in some ways. Introducing their country while they are success or providing amusement for many people, for example. South Korea, nevertheless, is well-known with their ‘K-Pop’ (aka Korean Pop). They support their people for being artists. In fact, everyone would probably know about ‘k-pop’.

Despite of that, there are also a disadvantage for the government. They, who not wholehearted maximizing this supports, would be put on this account.

In conclusion, it is good for young people to encourage their talent in art by giving financial assistance if they are able to use this in appropriate ways.

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Some people are tend to be
Some people tend to be

for example, by judging the government spends much money for unworthy things
for example, by judging how the government spends money for unworthy things

Sentence: So, I position myself in both disagree and agree.
Description: The word position is not usually used as a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to position

while they are success
while they are successful

They, who not wholehearted
They, who are not wholehearted

if they are able to use this in appropriate ways.
Description: 'this' refers to what?

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2

Read a good grammar book.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 325 350
No. of Characters: 1592 1500
No. of Different Words: 169 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.246 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.898 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.668 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 110 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 75 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.476 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.231 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.81 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.489 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5