Write a response to the following argument.
The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda. “For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Shade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.”
The conclusion arrived at stating that Mr Shade should plan and direct the general music education program for the entire school, which is based on the assumption that the Music Director of Steel City high school is the sole reason behind the success of the school band during regional band competitions is highly flawed for three reasons.
Firstly, the other competitors in the regional game may have had various shortcomings that has been capitalised on by Mr Steel. For example, Their best players might have been injure and out of the band for the period of 3 years, that Steel City has been championing the competition. Hence, it is possible that in the 4th year, the best players of the competitors and back and better. This will mean a more challenging competition for the school.
Secondly, the success may be attributed to the new facilities and musical instruments that was added to the schools collection. This would have enabled the participants to practice more, thereby perfecting their skills. In the process they will be better equipped and positioned to tackle their competitors.
Thirdly, the success may be attributed to the set of players that have been maintained on the team. The players may have been the same for over 3 years hence has grown some level of confidence in these games and expertise. Unlike they were newbies who have to be trained and trained to get to a certain level and be prepared mentally and physically for the competition.
As a result of the above point, if the speaker can confirm that Mr Steel was responsible for the new facilities, then maybe we can strongly recommend him to lead the entire Saluda School
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2021-08-07 | thelma2411 | 70 | view |
| 2019-08-09 | SanjanaS | 88 | view |
| 2014-07-30 | aminjavadi | 35 | view |
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 283 350
No. of Characters: 1347 1500
No. of Different Words: 151 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.102 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.76 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.579 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 89 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 66 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 39 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 29 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.583 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.941 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.583 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.357 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.643 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.07 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 177, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'injured'.
Suggestion: injured
...ple, Their best players might have been injure and out of the band for the period of 3...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 109, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'schools'' or 'school's'?
Suggestion: schools'; school's
...sical instruments that was added to the schools collection. This would have enabled the...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, hence, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, for example, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 30.0 55.5748502994 54% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1387.0 2260.96107784 61% => OK
No of words: 283.0 441.139720559 64% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.90106007067 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.10153676581 4.56307096286 90% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.65875642987 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 154.0 204.123752495 75% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.544169611307 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 408.6 705.55239521 58% => syllable counts are too short.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 19.7664670659 61% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 69.0643822016 57.8364921388 119% => OK
Chars per sentence: 115.583333333 119.503703932 97% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.5833333333 23.324526521 101% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.75 5.70786347227 153% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.239214033399 0.218282227539 110% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0779453256008 0.0743258471296 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0733541795409 0.0701772020484 105% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.133260117044 0.128457276422 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0823379527077 0.0628817314937 131% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 14.3799401198 93% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 65.05 48.3550499002 135% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.44 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.35 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 64.0 98.500998004 65% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.