The following appeared in a health magazine.
"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument
The appearance in a health magazine regarding the citizens of Forsythe which have adopted more healthful lifestyles. The facts that are presented by arguer is as follows: Firstly, the citizens of Forsythe responses to a recent survey show that they have similar nutrition plans as similar as supported by government nutritional than they had ten years ago. Secondly, the arguer presents an increase in sales of food products containing kiran by four fold that a scientific study has shown which reduces cholesterol. Thirdly, the arguer has presented the consequences of increase sales of kiran that has reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the healthiest citizens regularly eat. This argument at close scrutiny reveals loop holes and a complete evidences need to be presented in order to make an argument valid.
Firstly, the arguer presents the result of the responses of a recent survey which shows that the citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles by conforming more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. However, the arguer fails to provide the authentic of the survey source. Either it is published by a popular media or presented only by a local group. It fails to provide the relevant data regarding the survey as at which age groups do the survey respond. It may be either young or old people who responded to a survey. It may be possible that the people who participate in the survey are actually health conscious people who focus most of their time on preserving their health conditions. Thus, the results of the survey mostly identify the different groups of people and at what number does the people participate to a survey.
Secondly, the arguer presents an increase in sales of food products which contains kiran by four times and the role of kiran in controlling cholesterol level. However, the argument fails to provide any relevant information regarding the increase in sales of food products containing kiran by implementing government nutritional recommendations. It also fails to provide any pertinent information how the use of kiran containing food generally controls cholesterol in the body. It may be possible that the food sources containing kiran generally behold fibers which reduces fat in the body and overall control the cholesterol. It may be possible that the increase in sales of food containing kiran is the result of tv program which declaim the controlling of cholesterol by kiran without any factual information. Thus, the decrease in cholesterol by consuming the food products containing kiran is irrelevant without any scientific evident.
Thirdly, the arguer presents a trend which reduces sales of sulia with the increase in kiran containing food. However, the argument fails to provide any relevant information showing relation between sulia and food containing kiran. It may be possible that the people generally hate sulia due to its irrelevant taste and only people who are deeply conscious with their health regularly eat it. It may be possible that the price of sulia is very high in comparison to food containing kiran and only rich people can consider it. It may be likely that the doctor recommends sulia due to its high fiber contains and only people who practice gym harshly and regularly can have it. Thus, the decrease in sales of sulia is unknown. Either it is connected with the kiran containing food or irrelevant with its content.
In conclusion, the argument as it stands now is full of unwarranted assumptions due to lack of supportive evidences in favor of citizens of Forsythe who have adopted healthful lifestyles. In order to make argument valid, it should be supported in favor of foods containing kiran which actually decreases the cholesterol level and the relation between the increase in sales of kiran and decrease of food containing sulia.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.0 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 10 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 633 350
No. of Characters: 3197 1500
No. of Different Words: 208 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.016 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.051 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.778 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 235 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 187 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 145 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 89 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.444 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.918 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.889 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.357 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.357 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.158 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 703, Rule ID: CLOSE_SCRUTINY[1]
Message: Use simply 'scrutiny'.
Suggestion: scrutiny
...itizens regularly eat. This argument at close scrutiny reveals loop holes and a complete evide...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 752, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'evidence'?
Suggestion: evidence
...utiny reveals loop holes and a complete evidences need to be presented in order to make a...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 575, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...r old people who responded to a survey. It may be possible that the people who par...
^^
Line 3, column 626, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...dy and overall control the cholesterol. It may be possible that the increase in sa...
^^
Line 4, column 526, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...n and only rich people can consider it. It may be likely that the doctor recommend...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, first, firstly, however, if, may, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, thus, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 27.0 13.6137724551 198% => OK
Pronoun: 38.0 28.8173652695 132% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 91.0 55.5748502994 164% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3250.0 2260.96107784 144% => OK
No of words: 633.0 441.139720559 143% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.13428120063 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.01592376844 4.56307096286 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82230837369 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 218.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.34439178515 0.468620217663 73% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1024.2 705.55239521 145% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 16.0 8.76447105788 183% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 50.8252877665 57.8364921388 88% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.37037037 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.4444444444 23.324526521 101% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.59259259259 5.70786347227 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 13.0 6.88822355289 189% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.212835428247 0.218282227539 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0714484919353 0.0743258471296 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.131097526121 0.0701772020484 187% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.146051700489 0.128457276422 114% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.128757326102 0.0628817314937 205% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.77 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.65 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 115.0 98.500998004 117% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.