Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they depend so much time on cell phone, online games and social networking website?
Education is essential. It can shape our lives in immeasurble ways. People try to educate themselves as much as they can to achieve their goals in the life. People can be successful when they broaden their horzin about variety of fields and that will lead them to be a wonderful people in the society. Therefore, I totally agree that eucation nowadays are really more difficult than the past for the following reasons.
First of all, people are addicted to new technology which has a negaive impact on their brain. Young people are spending too much time on the technological devices, which lead them to hardly concentrate on their studying. For example, children are utilizing their IPhone and playing their favorite games for a considerable number of hours which is really for them after that to focus and grasp the information on the academic materials. So, their mental abilities to obtain the knowledge is decreased because of the long using of the technological machines. Moreover, young people are really considered addicted to smart phone or other devices because when you talk to them they are really in a different world and the cannot understand what you are talking to them because their brain is really occupied with the breakthrough technology , which has changed people’s life in many ways. Consequently, children’s brain is really affected by the new technology in a detrimental aspect.
In addition, people were taking care about their education more than nowadays .In the past people more obedient to the parents than now. For instance, our grandparents were really busy how to prepare their assignment in a very effective and efficient way in order to satisfy their teachers and parents. On the other hand, nowadays’ children are busy about the new version of I pot or IPhone and all that kind of technology and they don’t care about their studying even if their parents are keep engorging the children about how important the education is. Furthermore, tasks can be accomplished effectively without existence of technology and people can listen to the people who advised them. Thus, children don’t care about their education and their knowledge because of the impact of technology.
Finally, people’s life was not complex in the past. Children were busy about very simple things not like nowadays. For example, previously people children can help their parents about cleaning dishes, picking the trash away and helping with other household tasks. However, in the present time children are spending all their time sitting in front of computers talking with their friends by Facebook or other social media, which their life is very complicated, crazy and not quiet at all. Moreover, there is a lot of enjoyable activities that offspring can participate in now such as going to watch movie which was really not available in the past. Accordingly that make the young people to focus on their studying rather than enjoying the new discoveries of this life. Therefore, people’s life was really simple in the past.
Taking into account all these factors, we may reach to the conclusion that teaching children nowadays is harder than before in terms of technological concern because of the brain which is really filled with technological issues, children are also disobedient to their parents and life is very complex nowadays. Therefore I agree with the statement.
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which is really for them
which is really difficult for them
their mental abilities to obtain the knowledge is decreased
their mental abilities ...are decreased
Sentence: Moreover, young people are really considered addicted to smart phone or other devices because when you talk to them they are really in a different world and the cannot understand what you are talking to them because their brain is really occupied with the breakthrough technology , which has changed people's life in many ways.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a modal auxillary
Suggestion: Refer to the and cannot
Sentence: For example, previously people children can help their parents about cleaning dishes, picking the trash away and helping with other household tasks.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to people and children
Sentence: Accordingly that make the young people to focus on their studying rather than enjoying the new discoveries of this life.
Description: The fragment Accordingly that is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace Accordingly with adjective
Sentence: It can shape our lives in immeasurble ways.
Error: immeasurble Suggestion: immeasurable
Sentence: People can be successful when they broaden their horzin about variety of fields and that will lead them to be a wonderful people in the society.
Error: horzin Suggestion: horizon
Sentence: Therefore, I totally agree that eucation nowadays are really more difficult than the past for the following reasons.
Error: eucation Suggestion: education
Sentence: First of all, people are addicted to new technology which has a negaive impact on their brain.
Error: negaive Suggestion: negative
flaws:
1. The introduction is not developed properly:
Education is essential. It can shape our lives in immeasurble ways. People try to educate themselves as much as they can to achieve their goals in the life. People can be successful when they broaden their horzin about variety of fields and that will lead them to be a wonderful people in the society. Therefore, I totally agree that eucation nowadays are really more difficult than the past for the following reasons.
You can say nowadays there are more technological developments in education. therefor, it is more difficult.
2. No. of Words: 555 350 //Write the essay in 30 minutes. around 350 words are enough
3. No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2 //Read a good grammar book. You may read this one: http://testbig.com/question/grammar
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Try this pattern:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.
Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3: Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing as First
Para 4: Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing as First but shorter
Para 5: Conclusion.
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An example (Eating at home or restaurant) for paragraph 2:
Para 2: First,reason 1 (1 sentence: Eating at home can save money) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences: I can prepare cheaper food from food market; I don't need to drive or take a bus to reach the restaurant; I don't need to pay tips...) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences: for example, a sandwich can cost me $10 at restaurant, but it only cost me $5 at home.) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences: with the money I saved, I can buy a good book to read; I can use the money for a trip...).
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Read good sample essays:
http://www.testbig.com/essay-categories/toefl
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 17 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 555 350
No. of Characters: 2768 1500
No. of Different Words: 241 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.854 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.987 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.602 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 195 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 105 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 64 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.2 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.118 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.76 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.309 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.489 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5