Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The originator of the argument points on paradox that despite the fact that dairy products are full of useful elements which are needed for having healthy bones, a recent study demonstrates that people who regularly consume milk and other dairy products have higher rate of bone fractures than other participants. The writer concludes that thus consuming dairy products leads to the risk of osteoporosis. In order to gauge the soundness of the conclusion we need closer look at the evidence.
First of all, we are told that a recent study has found that people who have a diet rich in dairy products have higher rate of bone fracture. However, may other unstated factors exists which lead to the result? The answer is loud "yes". We were given information that osteoporosis has connection with genetic factors. Perhaps the people who heavily consume the milk may be prone to the disease and their body consistently demands to restore to the volume on such elements as vitamin D and calcium but the participants to the study are not able to acquire or absorb the needed elements. Additionally to it, these people may, for instance, work at harmful manufacturing process, in this case, they may be given milk in order to detoxify their organisms. These two examples illustrate that other factors may lead to the higher rate of bone fractures.
Moreover, the study has displayed that people who consistently consume dairy products break their bones more often than those who do not. However, does this data mean that the bones were broken because they were weak? Perhaps these study participants lead healthy and active life-style. Thus taking part in some dangerous recreational activities such as mounting, skydiving and athletics may lead to the higher number of bone broken. The argument might have been stronger had the writer demonstrated that the main cause of these bone fractures were its poor conditions. Till we are not given this information we cannot accept the data as supportive evidence.
Finally, the argument claims that a diet rich in dairy products increases the risk of osteoporosis. At the same time, the author of the argument has failed to prove this statement owing to the fact that some unstated factors which may lead to the result of study, which was used to buttress the conclusion, were neglected by the author.
In conclusion, the writer maintains that regular consumption of dairy products enhance the risk of osteoporosis but he or she has failed to prove this claim due to the fact that given evidence may be explained alternatively.
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Comments
The first and the second
The first and the second argument are not the same.
The first argumen argues against: But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. My purpose is to demonstrate that other factors may lead to the result not consuming dairy food.
the second argument is based on: "Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis" becaus above I was told that :that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. Thus not all fracture of bones is a symptom of osteoporosis. Only if the trauma was caused by thinning of bones, the author would be correct.
thank you.
The topic sentence for the
The topic sentence for the first argument is: '... people who have a diet rich in dairy products have higher rate of bone fracture...'
The topic sentence for the second argument is: '...people who consistently consume dairy products break their bones more often...'
they are same in topic sentence, even though you argued them in different way, but they can be put in one argument.
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read the sample essays and you will find more to argue.
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argument 1 and argument 2 -- OK, but duplicated.
argument 3 -- not OK
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read this sample:
http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-argument-task-essays/milk-and-dairy-prod…
or this sample:
http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/milk-and-dairy-products-are-rich-…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 427 350
No. of Characters: 2097 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.546 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.911 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.581 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 139 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 101 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.474 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.914 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.51 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.097 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5