Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
The writer argues that a diet-rich in diary products, which are essentials for building and maintaining bones increases the risk of osteoporosis rather than prevent the disease as said by many people since osteoporosis is a disease linked with weakening of bones. The argument lacks representative sampling and quantification.
The claim about a long term study of a large number of people is an unrepresentative sample. A study ought to have a control group and a representative sample. What group of people did the study capture? Perhaps very old people in the prime of their lives and had not been eating food rich in diary products since their youth. Since the disease weaken the bones with age, their bones were probably already weakened. Younger people who take diets rich in diary products are likely not to be at risk of osteoporosis. Also, the duration of study is required to add substance to the claim.
Additionally, the term "the large number of people" is vague and lacks quantification. A large number could be 100, 200, 1000. The number of people was not qualified to give evidence to the argument. These large number of people in the study are said to have higher rate of bone fractures than any other participant in the study. This statement is a confusing one as it does not elaborate on who were other participants in the study.
Moreover, there was another disease apart from osteoporosis that causes bone fracture. Perhaps the people sampled might have reached an advanced stage of the disease such that eating food rich in diary products is superfluous.
The writer's argument is based on unjustified assumptions and vague terms. In order to strengthen this argument, ore evidence is required on the the type of groups and number of people sampled in the study and the duration of study.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 306 350
No. of Characters: 1473 1500
No. of Different Words: 145 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.182 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.814 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.732 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 94 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 65 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 49 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.498 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.111 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.543 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.065 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ve sampling and quantification. The claim about a long term study of a larg...
^^^
Line 7, column 38, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
... The claim about a long term study of a large number of people is an unrepresentative sample. A...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 15, column 228, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... rich in diary products is superfluous. The writers argument is based on unjusti...
^^^^^^^
Line 19, column 5, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'writers'' or 'writer's'?
Suggestion: writers'; writer's
...ary products is superfluous. The writers argument is based on unjustified assump...
^^^^^^^
Line 19, column 141, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: the
...s argument, ore evidence is required on the the type of groups and number of people sam...
^^^^^^^
Line 19, column 141, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: the; the
...s argument, ore evidence is required on the the type of groups and number of people sam...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, if, moreover, so, then, apart from
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 3.0 12.9520958084 23% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 6.0 13.6137724551 44% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 10.0 28.8173652695 35% => OK
Preposition: 46.0 55.5748502994 83% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1537.0 2260.96107784 68% => OK
No of words: 306.0 441.139720559 69% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.02287581699 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.18244613648 4.56307096286 92% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84610317841 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 149.0 204.123752495 73% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.486928104575 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 483.3 705.55239521 68% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 50.0443013615 57.8364921388 87% => OK
Chars per sentence: 85.3888888889 119.503703932 71% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.0 23.324526521 73% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.22222222222 5.70786347227 39% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.196734267688 0.218282227539 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0548586545053 0.0743258471296 74% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0754043765791 0.0701772020484 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.115276231219 0.128457276422 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0848771803813 0.0628817314937 135% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.7 14.3799401198 74% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 54.22 48.3550499002 112% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.54 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.63 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 61.0 98.500998004 62% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.