Independent TOEFL essay -TPO 15: TPO 15: A/D? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.
Nowadays, financial matters play a decisive role in every individual's life. In order to become a financially responsible person, everyone requires to learn how to equalize the costs and income during a specific period of time. I certainly believe that the skills of managing the money should be obtained in childhood. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspective for the excellence of childhood experiences in managing the personal finance.
A child's personality is like paste and is easy to shape. This means that his mind is ready to absorb whatever he sees and hears and to retain until adulthood. Hence, it is a good time to teach financial issues practically. An academic research suggests that children should be given the responsibility of managing their allowance. It also explains that parents should watch their children's behavior but not wrest control of their money. As a result, he deals with monetary problems and gets prepared for future complicated situations.
Parents' are a good supporters for children. They can assist their children financially and sympathetically when they blunder. However, when children grew adults, there is no one to back them. So they need to learn to manage their problems while they have supporters. For example, when I was 11 years old and used to get some pocket money from my father, I expended more than my budget and, by inference, I grew out of money for a while. When I needed to buy a notebook, I had to ask my father to lend me some money. That is how I learned that I should always have some savings and should not spend my whole money.
To put it briefly, if one considers the importance of management of the expenses and income, one soon realizes that adulthood is not a proper time to experience new things and learn how to cope with them. In fact, comparing the characteristics of a child and an adult and considering the assistance of their parents in childhood and adulthood clarify the advantages of financial knowledge gained at young ages.
children should be given the responsibility
children should be given with the responsibility
when children grew adults,
when children grew up as/into adults,
adulthood is not a proper time to experience new things and learn how to cope with them.
Description: 'them' refers to what? Be sensitive to use pronouns.
flaws:
How did you get this conclusion?
one soon realizes that adulthood is not a proper time to experience new things and learn how to cope with them. In fact, comparing the characteristics of a child and an adult and considering the assistance of their parents in childhood and adulthood clarify the advantages of financial knowledge gained at young ages.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 344 350
No. of Characters: 1645 1500
No. of Different Words: 199 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.307 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.782 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.804 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 114 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.105 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.309 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.421 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.281 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.476 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.113 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5