TPO-24 - Independent Writing Task
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Adulthood is a very important stage of our lives because years after years we approach it and we have to face it finally. Some thinks in order to prepare children for this important stage, children should take a part-time job, but another group of people thinks it is too soon to allow their children to work. Personally, I agree that children should be allowed to take a part-time job to get prepared for adult life for few reasons, which I explain in the passage.
First, children grow and they won't be the same little baby that parents used to raise. In adulthood, these new grown-ups have to take their own responsibility and they can learn this feature by practicing in childhood. For example, I know a person whom his mom and dad used to take care of him a lot. His parents didn't allow him to go out or to talk to other children because they thought others may affect his behavior and the child may not become the person that his parents wanted. I happened to become friend with him when he grew older. He could not make even one decision for himself and had to call his parents to ask their opinion about everything he wanted to do. I really wanted to help him to become a self-oriented person and gain some independence, so I found him a job. It took a lot to convince his parents to agree with this work. Meeting a lot of people in one place was very exciting for him and in the workplace he learned to be independent and decides for his life. So I think a par time job can help a person to be grown-ups.
Second, it is true that a part-time job may hurt your grades in school because working requires time, and time management is the key to being successful at the both side. I used to study a lot and whenever the homework was done I began to read magazines about agriculture because it was a very interesting topic to me. As I grew older I wanted to find a job for myself. I thought finding a job can be very easy for me because I had a lot of theoretical knowledge about agriculture. Finally, someone employed me, but at the first time, I destroyed everything that they have planted because I did not have field experience in the job. Really theory is not everything and if I worked on a farm when I was younger I could have been more useful to my employer. so I got fired from the place at the end, but if I learned how to work at childhood I may found a better work opportunity now.
So that is why I think attending a part time job in childhood is very important to get prepared for adulthood because when you are a child you are more likely to learn how to do things in the best way easier. So I encourage every parent to find a part time job for their children.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
The examples are too long. and better not use personal experiences for examples. We like to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments.
And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 513 350
No. of Characters: 2133 1500
No. of Different Words: 227 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.759 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.158 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.434 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 127 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.429 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.088 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.357 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.512 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.191 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
for example, we can always
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
This is a big secret, thanks for this
There are like 129 published
There are like 129 published topic for toefl speaking and writing. are these topics going to be repeated in exams or ETS tests new topics on the exam?
Both. They may reuse some
Both. They may reuse some topics or test new topics.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
Adulthood is a very important stage of o...
^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ons, which I explain in the passage. First, children grow and they wont be t...
^^^
Line 3, column 41, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... First, children grow and they wont be the same little baby that parents used t...
^^
Line 3, column 318, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
... to take care of him a lot. His parents didnt allow him to go out or to talk to other...
^^^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...can help a person to be grown-ups. Second, it is true that a part-time job ...
^^^
Line 6, column 760, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: So
...d have been more useful to my employer. so I got fired from the place at the end, ...
^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...und a better work opportunity now. So that is why I think attending a part ...
^^^
Line 9, column 39, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
... So that is why I think attending a part time job in childhood is very important to g...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 251, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
.... So I encourage every parent to find a part time job for their children.
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, if, may, really, second, so, for example, i think, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 15.1003584229 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 13.8261648746 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 11.0286738351 100% => OK
Pronoun: 76.0 43.0788530466 176% => OK
Preposition: 62.0 52.1666666667 119% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 8.0752688172 37% => More nominalization wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2184.0 1977.66487455 110% => OK
No of words: 511.0 407.700716846 125% => OK
Chars per words: 4.27397260274 4.8611393121 88% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75450408675 4.48103885553 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.48945832194 2.67179642975 93% => OK
Unique words: 234.0 212.727598566 110% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.457925636008 0.524837075471 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 705.6 618.680645161 114% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 9.59856630824 125% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.994623655914 0% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.86738351254 214% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 1.0 4.94265232975 20% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.6003584229 107% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 20.1344086022 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.3551593988 48.9658058833 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.2727272727 100.406767564 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.2272727273 20.6045352989 113% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.72727272727 5.45110844103 68% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.5376344086 163% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 11.8709677419 135% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.258288258362 0.236089414692 109% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0842317757153 0.076458572812 110% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0752119824017 0.0737576698707 102% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.182370765129 0.150856017488 121% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0699546137997 0.0645574589148 108% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.3 11.7677419355 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 65.05 58.1214874552 112% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 7.78 10.9000537634 71% => Coleman_liau_index is low.
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.91 8.01818996416 86% => OK
difficult_words: 69.0 86.8835125448 79% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 10.002688172 130% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 10.0537634409 111% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes. We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Rates: 60.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 18.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.