Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should beraised considerably.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Submitted by tom my on Sat, 02/11/2017 - 07:57

It is an undoubted fact that most people can live more than 60 years today, and the physical conditions are even better than past that allows them to work more longer. In my view, it is rational to raise the age of retirement, at the same time I strongly suggest government should make decisions depending the different types of occupation.

There are some advantages that the local authorities should raise the retirement age of senior workers. For individual perspective, the longer working life means they can gain more profits and earning from work and even more satisfaction. People are usually working for salary, while more people are working for that because their job can give them satisfactions, a sense of belonging to somewhere and chances to meeting other people. On the other hand, the economy could also benefit by the raising of retirement age. The calculation is simple, as senior workers have many experiments and knowledge than the young, it is obviously that the longer they on the position the more profits they can make.

However, not all types occupation are capable of the raise of retirement age. Some jobs such as doctor, pilot or car driver are the typically work that seems not suitable for a senior work and always required young people to replace them. One point of that is they are all need the high-level skills that mostly depends on their physical condition. For example, the pilot and driver needs a clear eyesight and the doctor specifically when they are doing an operation needs to control their hands not shacking. Scientists say that human's brain will not age as people's flesh do, therefore those works that requires more specific physically conditions such as eyesight or strength should not be engaged.

In conclusion, although there some conditions need to be considered by the government carefully, I still believe that there are more benefits for both citizens and society to raise the retirement age of workers.

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Average: 7.3 (1 vote)
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IELTS Writing Task II - IELTS Academic
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 213, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...to raise the retirement age of workers.
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, however, if, so, still, therefore, while, for example, in conclusion, such as, in my view, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 13.1623246493 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 7.85571142285 140% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 10.4138276553 106% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 7.30460921844 164% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 24.0651302605 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 27.0 41.998997996 64% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 8.3376753507 168% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1640.0 1615.20841683 102% => OK
No of words: 327.0 315.596192385 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.01529051988 5.12529762239 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.25242769721 4.20363070211 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60724124116 2.80592935109 93% => OK
Unique words: 175.0 176.041082164 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.535168195719 0.561755894193 95% => OK
syllable_count: 513.9 506.74238477 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 5.43587174349 74% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.384769539078 0% => OK
Article: 5.0 2.52805611222 198% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.10420841683 143% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 0.809619238477 124% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.76152304609 84% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 16.0721442886 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 20.2975951904 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 42.2802708337 49.4020404114 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.153846154 106.682146367 118% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.1538461538 20.7667163134 121% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.76923076923 7.06120827912 124% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.01903807615 20% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.67935871743 127% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 3.9879759519 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 3.4128256513 59% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.234295888013 0.244688304435 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0860079900422 0.084324248473 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.046875581191 0.0667982634062 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.137014167694 0.151304729494 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0455253385853 0.056905535591 80% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 13.0946893788 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 50.2224549098 92% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 11.3001002004 115% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.13 12.4159519038 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.59 8.58950901804 100% => OK
difficult_words: 77.0 78.4519038076 98% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 9.78957915832 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 10.1190380762 119% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.7795591182 111% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 73.0337078652 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 6.5 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.