The following appeared in a health magazine.
"The citizens of Forsythe have adopted more healthful lifestyles. Their responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. Furthermore, there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This trend is also evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat."
The article that have been mentioned in the question states that people’s responses to a recent survey show that in their eating habits they conform more closely to government nutritional recommendations than they did ten years ago. And because of that the article assumes that people’s life had got healthier than 10 years from now. While the publisher is stating those facts as they we’re completely true, few assumptions should have been explained more to strengthen his article.
To begin with, the publisher is depending on people’s responses to some recent survey, without actually thinking if this survey is trusted or not. The survey can be some trite survey on random people without really thinking about the community that we are studying. The survey could have been asking people some vague questions about their lifes that have nothing to do with their actual health. In addition, who’s getting the data out of those surveys? Surveys and conclusions about health and humans specially, should be handled by doctors and people with actual education in this field. As health surveys can be understood in a wrong way, which can lead to some actions that can be harmful for the community.
Moreover, the article states that there has been a fourfold increase in sales of food products containing kiran, a substance that a scientific study has shown reduces cholesterol. This statement just vaguely mentions that it’s a scientific study without really mentioning resources or the scientists that actually worked on this study. Again mentioning a study without mentioning any resources or evidence that at least it can be trusted, can lead to wrong interpretations and the reader being doubtful of the article hes reading.
Building on the fact before, the article says that the previous study can be evident in reduced sales of sulia, a food that few of the most healthy citizens regularly eat. This assumption have some flaws in it, where the writer didn’t explain why other assumptions can’t be interpreted from this evidence. People can be buying sulia in addition to food products containing kiran on the side with it. On the other hand, the publisher could strengthen his argument by mentioning that while the quantity of food consumed by citizens of Forsythe being the same, the consumption of food products containing kiran have increased. In this way, the publisher has justified his evidence and made it stronger through strengthening the relation between his evidence and conclusion.
Finally, while the publisher has made good job justifying his points, he left some flaws here and there in the article where we explained those flaws and gave suggestions on how to strengthen this article.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2019-12-13 | ken10091995 | 50 | view |
| 2019-11-22 | IFE360TOXIC | 63 | view |
| 2019-11-03 | kielassaf | 35 | view |
| 2019-10-29 | lrrosario308 | 46 | view |
| 2019-10-06 | wwwww | 55 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.0 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 444 350
No. of Characters: 2226 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.59 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.014 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.614 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 160 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 87 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.88 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.556 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.569 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.134 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 30, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...article. To begin with, the publisher is depending on people's responses to some rece...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 637, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a wrong way" with adverb for "wrong"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...ld. As health surveys can be understood in a wrong way, which can lead to some actions that ca...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 524, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: he's
...he reader being doubtful of the article hes reading. Building on the fact before...
^^^
Line 7, column 189, Rule ID: MASS_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: 'has'.
Suggestion: has
...citizens regularly eat. This assumption have some flaws in it, where the writer didn...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, finally, if, moreover, really, so, then, while, at least, in addition, to begin with, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 47.0 28.8173652695 163% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 56.0 55.5748502994 101% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2316.0 2260.96107784 102% => OK
No of words: 442.0 441.139720559 100% => OK
Chars per words: 5.23981900452 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.58517132086 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76052683094 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 216.0 204.123752495 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.488687782805 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 683.1 705.55239521 97% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.9888103056 57.8364921388 76% => OK
Chars per sentence: 128.666666667 119.503703932 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.5555555556 23.324526521 105% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.27777777778 5.70786347227 110% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.177214295294 0.218282227539 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0627911370645 0.0743258471296 84% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.101017919587 0.0701772020484 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0958819680151 0.128457276422 75% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.110543403355 0.0628817314937 176% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.5 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 48.3550499002 115% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.41 12.5979740519 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.79 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 98.500998004 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.