The following appeared in a health newsletter.
"A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number of accidents caused by bicycling has increased 200 percent. These results demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets, and they take more risks as a result. Thus, there is clearly a call for the government to strive to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents by launching an education program that concentrates on the factors other than helmet use that are necessary for bicycle safety."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The author provides a seemingly logic conclusion based on the brief data provided by the nationwide study. The increasing number of accidents is worrying, and it is indeed a problem that need to be solved to provide a more safe bike-riding experience for all people. However, the author does not show adequate information regarding the breadth of the studies, and some of the author’s assumptions have significant deficiency. Before making the conclusion, the author must check the accuracy of the statistic of the study, and other logical explanations based on the study.
The nationwide study asserts that there is 200 percent increase in bicycle accidents, yet this same study does not show the basis of total population between the ten year difference in time of the study. This 200 percent number is definitely scary and worrying, but what if the population growth exceeds the growing trend of accidents among bicycle users? Assuming that it is normal for any developing country, or even an advanced ones, to experience population growth along with the improvement of the economy, then it would be possible that the total number of the users of bicycle nationwide has also increased greatly. Perhaps, the bicycle users recently is 500 percent larger than the number in 10 years ago. This will greatly weaken the author’s conclusion, and it would be counter-productive to leave the focus from the imortance of helmet usage for bicycle users in the country. Furthermore, if the accidents are minimal from the beginning, let say there are only 100 occurences annually in a country with 10 million of bicycle users, then the number is insignificant despite the accidents increase in total during 10 years period. Another detail that need to be considered is who exactly the people who got the accidents? Are they the casual bikers? Or, are these people are newcomers in bicycling activity? Further analysis into the data can help the author to take better stance for the next effort to eliminate the accidents altogether.
Secondly, the author does not take into account the other 20% of bicycle users who are still not wearing helmet during their journeys. As mentioned before, the actual size of people might grow during the 10 years period, and it would be possible for a greater number of people who do not wear helmet although the percentage is much higher. What if all of the accidents are occurred among these 20% people? Will that be a sign of the efficacy of using helmet during biking? The author must find this correlation, and the reasons behind the unwillingness to wear helmet among this people must be investigated. If it is indeed the actual reality, then the campaign toward these 20% people will be more effective in reducing accidents than looking after another factors that do not significantly affect the accidents.
The author’s suggestion to refocusing the attention to other factors can be dangerous for the safety of the bicycle users. If the two conditions mentioned above, the actual state of the study and the efficacy of the helmet usage, are true, then stopping encouragement of helmet usage might increase accident on the road. What if the people start to forget to wear helmet when the authority fail to remind the people? The author must consider this possibility because it is important to make people realize that helmet is still important and effective as it does in the reality.
The author’s suggestion on focusing on other factors is actually a good idea. There might be a lot of other hidden factors that greatly contribute to the occurrences of accidents. Nevertheless, the author must focus first on fixing the claim and all the assumptions.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 9 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 613 350
No. of Characters: 3013 1500
No. of Different Words: 259 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.976 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.915 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.64 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 225 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 155 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 106 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 72 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.704 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.626 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.444 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.473 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.074 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 21, Rule ID: A_RB_NN[1]
Message: You used an adverb ('seemingly') instead an adjective, or a noun ('logic') instead of another adjective.
The author provides a seemingly logic conclusion based on the brief data prov...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 365, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...garding the breadth of the studies, and some of the author’s assumptions have significant d...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 432, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'one'?
Suggestion: one
...developing country, or even an advanced ones, to experience population growth along ...
^^^^
Line 5, column 349, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... the percentage is much higher. What if all of the accidents are occurred among these 20% ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 575, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
... the unwillingness to wear helmet among this people must be investigated. If it is i...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, look, nevertheless, regarding, second, secondly, so, still, then
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 31.0 19.6327345309 158% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 28.0 28.8173652695 97% => OK
Preposition: 78.0 55.5748502994 140% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3094.0 2260.96107784 137% => OK
No of words: 613.0 441.139720559 139% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.04730831974 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.97582523872 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.7354248517 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 268.0 204.123752495 131% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.437194127243 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 972.0 705.55239521 138% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 9.0 1.67365269461 538% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 58.8231172422 57.8364921388 102% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.592592593 119.503703932 96% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.7037037037 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.37037037037 5.70786347227 77% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.188956673015 0.218282227539 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0537941163533 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0512750166404 0.0701772020484 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0989791068546 0.128457276422 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0643610492494 0.0628817314937 102% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.31 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.33 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 140.0 98.500998004 142% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.