The following appeared in a memo from a budget planner for the city of Grandview.
"It is time for the city of Grandview to stop funding the Grandview Symphony Orchestra. It is
true that the symphony struggled financially for many years, but last year private
contributions to the symphony increased by 200 percent and attendance at the symphony's
concerts-in-thepark series doubled. In addition, the symphony has just announced an
increase in ticket prices for next year . For these reasons, we recommend that the city
eliminate funding for the Grandview Symphony Orchestra from next year's budget. We
predict that the symphony will flourish in the years to come even without funding from the
city ."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order
to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to
explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
In the argument, the author suggests that the symphony will flourish in the years to come even without funding from the city because of private contribution increasing by 200 percent and attendance double at concerts-in-the-park. However, there are questions listed below need answering to strengthen the argument.
The writer claims that considerably increasing income from private contribution leads to a financial independent Symphony group in the following years. It could be true that that symphony group could be financially sustainable by themselves because there is tremendous private contribution and that occupies more than half of the overall income of that Symphony group. Also, the private contribution is donated as continuous and steady from the donator in next ten years and the source of the donate is pretty reliable. Still, the detailed of the composition for the private contribution of the overall income of symphony is unknown and has to be answered. Because the probable explanation is that the private income of the overall is scarce. For instance, it only contributes 1% of the overall income of Symphony group, then it’s barely to convince readers of a financial independent music group.
Additionally, the reporter proposes that the number of attendance at the symphony’s concerts-in-the-park double will causes financially sustainable in the future. Nevertheless, a question about the composition of the audience of the concerts-in-the-parks should be presented. Because in an open space like a park and no ticket fee that everyone could walk into the park for jogging, exercising or something else than attending a music play. Maybe 90% of the audience is not interested in the play of the symphony at all, the author has to answer the detailed purpose of the audience attending the play to make the argument more cogent.
Furthermore, the author says that the ticket prices are going to increase for next year so that more financial income is expected. However, does the increasing prices cause the declination of the audience? It is possible that fewer and fewer people are going to attend a symphony because the prices are rising. Therefore, even the prices are double, the number of an audience becomes a quarter as many as it was before, the overall income from tickets will be cut to half of this year. It is recommended for the writer to consider the possibility to make the prediction more accurate.
Plus, the author suggests that the funding for that Symphony group could be eliminated based on the reasons mentioned in the argument. However, he or she needs to answer the financial analysis plan in the following years. It is possible that the overall benefit from increasing ticket prices and the private contribution and more audience is barely to survive without any financial aid and it is going to go break in the next years. Thus, the writer needs to analyze the financial plan more specific and detailed to make the music group more sustainable.
In conclusion, the readers could not believe the argument unless the questions mentioned above to be answered by the author and made the argument more convincing.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 516 350
No. of Characters: 2593 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.766 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.025 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.814 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 197 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 149 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 108 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.455 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.867 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.548 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.095 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... answering to strengthen the argument. The writer claims that considerably incr...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 500, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...tor in next ten years and the source of the donate is pretty reliable. Still, the detailed...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 668, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...hony is unknown and has to be answered. Because the probable explanation is that the pr...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...f a financial independent music group. Additionally, the reporter proposes that...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 129, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'cause'
Suggestion: cause
...hony’s concerts-in-the-park double will causes financially sustainable in the future. ...
^^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...play to make the argument more cogent. Furthermore, the author says that the ti...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... to make the prediction more accurate. Plus, the author suggests that the fundi...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, however, if, may, nevertheless, so, still, then, therefore, thus, as to, for instance, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 72.0 55.5748502994 130% => OK
Nominalization: 27.0 16.3942115768 165% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2653.0 2260.96107784 117% => OK
No of words: 513.0 441.139720559 116% => OK
Chars per words: 5.17153996101 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75914943092 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.03203826569 2.78398813304 109% => OK
Unique words: 204.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.397660818713 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 841.5 705.55239521 119% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.9211351823 57.8364921388 76% => OK
Chars per sentence: 120.590909091 119.503703932 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.3181818182 23.324526521 100% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.63636363636 5.70786347227 99% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.204363950354 0.218282227539 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0676454231397 0.0743258471296 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.051249337048 0.0701772020484 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.105071660294 0.128457276422 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0586619617893 0.0628817314937 93% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.6 14.3799401198 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.0 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.64 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.