The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
"During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
Compared to nearby Panoply Industries plant, Quiot Manufacturing had more on-the-job accidents and working hours than the other company so as to make workers fatigue and sleep deprivation. In order to reduce the accident and improve productivity, the author recommends the company decreasing a working hour every day. However, several assumptions in the argument need to be addressed to make the suggestion more convincing.
An assumption here is that Panoply Industries plant is analogous with Quiot Manufacturing. Nevertheless, the author fails to consider some possible differences between Panoply Industries plant and Quiot Manufacturing that might help to bring other possible dissimilarities. For example, Quiot Manufacturing could be a high-risk industry such as chemical engineering, and lots of chemical components contacting skin would deal a burning effect. In contrast, Panoply Industries plant could be a common factory just doing car repair, so the risk of on-the-job accidents during the work cannot compare to Quiot Manufacturing. Therefore, the author needs to provide the background information of these companies to help us determine that Panoply Industries plant is analogous with Quiot Manufacturing.
The author claims that reducing working hours would decrease on-the-job accidents. Nonetheless, what is the exact working hours for each work shift, five hours, 8 hours, or 11 hours? The shorter the working hours are, the less effective the policy of reducing working hours is. It is difficult for people working five hours a day to feel fatigued during work, so working four hours a day may not help decrease on-the-job accidents. In contrast, working 11 hours a day would make workers get tired so as to increase the rate of on-the-job accidents happening, so the policy of reducing the working hour may get a good effect.
The author also claims that reducing working hours would increase productivity. Still, a correlation between reducing working hours and increasing productivity does not necessarily infer a causal relation. It is entirely possible that shortening working hours would decrease productivity, because workers in this factory want to earn more money with much more works so as to take care of their family, especially for the worker living with poverty. Or maybe they do not want to go home earlier so as to avoid confliction, because the relationship among the whole family is poor, and the policy of reducing working hour would make them face this problem much more than before which may decrease productivity during the work, because they have to consider how to deal with the confliction after backing home.
In conclusion, the author needs to address the assumptions as above mentioned to strengthen the argument, including the background information of these two companies and the relation among reducing working hours, decreasing on-the-job accidents, and increasing productivity.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2019-07-22 | nateray42 | 69 | view |
| 2019-06-03 | zickzion123 | 82 | view |
| 2019-05-17 | LMMM | 69 | view |
| 2019-04-21 | DAISY CHANG | 59 | view |
| 2019-01-21 | evanlu | 78 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 453 350
No. of Characters: 2430 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.613 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.364 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.909 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 178 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 150 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 104 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 73 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.167 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.24 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.398 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.63 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.193 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
Compared to nearby Panoply Industries pl...
^^^^
Line 1, column 141, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...nd working hours than the other company so as to make workers fatigue and sleep deprivat...
^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...o make the suggestion more convincing. An assumption here is that Panoply Indus...
^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...is analogous with Quiot Manufacturing. The author claims that reducing working ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 501, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...ours a day would make workers get tired so as to increase the rate of on-the-job acciden...
^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...he working hour may get a good effect. The author also claims that reducing wor...
^^^^
Line 4, column 370, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...to earn more money with much more works so as to take care of their family, especially f...
^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 498, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...ybe they do not want to go home earlier so as to avoid confliction, because the relation...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...th the confliction after backing home. In conclusion, the author needs to addre...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, however, if, may, nevertheless, nonetheless, so, still, then, therefore, as to, for example, in conclusion, in contrast, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 56.0 55.5748502994 101% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2487.0 2260.96107784 110% => OK
No of words: 453.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.49006622517 5.12650576532 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61343653406 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.01162171542 2.78398813304 108% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.452538631347 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 753.3 705.55239521 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 71.6015207784 57.8364921388 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 138.166666667 119.503703932 116% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.1666666667 23.324526521 108% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.44444444444 5.70786347227 130% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.275704867896 0.218282227539 126% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.113896587516 0.0743258471296 153% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0747394890776 0.0701772020484 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.163947778585 0.128457276422 128% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0890133500767 0.0628817314937 142% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.0 14.3799401198 118% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 37.64 48.3550499002 78% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.86 12.5979740519 118% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.73 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 82.0 98.500998004 83% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.