The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The application for the business loan by the developers is written by stating that a new jazz club, named C-Note, is expected to be profitable in the city of Monroe. But, the application can be deemed valid only if the assumptions on the basis of which its success is anticipated holds true. The developers have put forth reasons ranging from the distance between the city and its current nearest jazz club to the presence of famous jazz musicians in the city and the results of a nationwide study.
Firstly, the developers capture the distance of 65 miles to the city's nearest jazz club and perceive C-Note, by being built within the city is capable of capturing the entire local market. But this idea is flawed as it provides no information on whether the residents face issues with the distance. If they do not mind traveling 65 miles to visit the nearest jazz club, C-Note may not witness the expected success. Moreover, if the residents of monroe city have gotten accustommed to the current jazz club, the proposed new jazz club is not sure to outshine its competitor. if this point cannot be proved, despite the closeness to the city, C-Note may not be able to attract the local residents.
Also, the mention of 100000 residents that attended the annual jazz festival last year is an unreliable information. To begin with, the writers provide no confirmation that this was not just an aberration but is a continued trend since many years. Even if they could assure this, there is still the possibility that these residents are only interested in attending jazz events on an annual basis and not anymore frequently than that. The visitors of this festival may have been tourists majorly who cannot be guaranteed visitors of C-Note. Jazz music may be a popular genre in the city, but to use this as evidence for the club's profitability, the developers also need to make sure that the residents are also willing to spend money to enjoy this music.
The application further states well-known jazz musicians in the city to confirm why they should be lent the loan for C-Note. However, there is no warranty that these musicians are genuinely interested in the jazz clubs within the city. If they currently play at the jazz club outside the city, it is likely that they are not going to switch to the new jazz club. The developers also need to delineate that the presence of C-Note will be able to stand up to other forms of entertainment like the radio program, jazz Nightly. If the residents feel that the radio program would suffice, the success of the new club cannot be guaranteed, especially since the program airs everyday and also at a reasonable time of 7 pm, which is mostly post individuals' work hours.
Finally, the results of the survey cannot be blindly trusted because it is a nationwide survey and this may not representative of the interests of Monroe residents. if they align with the latter's likes, it may be justifiable to argue for the success of C-Note. Thus the developers need to cross-check these details before concluding that the above evidence can be accurately used to support the argument.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 539 350
No. of Characters: 2535 1500
No. of Different Words: 234 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.818 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.703 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.562 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 168 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 128 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.368 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.554 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.842 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.351 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.555 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.092 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 65, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'citys the nearest'.
Suggestion: citys the nearest
...capture the distance of 65 miles to the citys nearest jazz club and perceive C-Note, by being...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 575, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...is not sure to outshine its competitor. if this point cannot be proved, despite th...
^^
Line 5, column 624, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'clubs'' or 'club's'?
Suggestion: clubs'; club's
...ty, but to use this as evidence for the clubs profitability, the developers also need...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 669, Rule ID: EVERYDAY_EVERY_DAY[3]
Message: 'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean 'every day'?
Suggestion: every day
...teed, especially since the program airs everyday and also at a reasonable time of 7 pm, ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 733, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'posted'.
Suggestion: posted
...easonable time of 7 pm, which is mostly post individuals work hours. Finally, th...
^^^^
Line 9, column 166, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...e of the interests of Monroe residents. if they align with the latters likes, it m...
^^
Line 9, column 262, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...ble to argue for the success of C-Note. Thus the developers need to cross-check thes...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, however, if, may, moreover, so, still, thus, well, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 32.0 19.6327345309 163% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 69.0 55.5748502994 124% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2592.0 2260.96107784 115% => OK
No of words: 539.0 441.139720559 122% => OK
Chars per words: 4.80890538033 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.81833721656 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.61532775795 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 245.0 204.123752495 120% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.454545454545 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 814.5 705.55239521 115% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 38.720406006 57.8364921388 67% => OK
Chars per sentence: 123.428571429 119.503703932 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.6666666667 23.324526521 110% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.7619047619 5.70786347227 83% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 8.20758483034 183% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.361934152156 0.218282227539 166% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.11759341382 0.0743258471296 158% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.096945515468 0.0701772020484 138% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.215655880608 0.128457276422 168% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0949595311275 0.0628817314937 151% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.1 14.3799401198 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 54.56 48.3550499002 113% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.91 12.5979740519 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.3 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 117.0 98.500998004 119% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.