The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, we predict that our new jazz music club in Monroe will be a tremendously profitable enterprise."
The developers in the application written for a small-business loan argues about opening new jazz music club in the city of Monroe. As jazz music is extremely popular in the city. The author cites reason such as Jazz Nightly radio program is the highest rated radio program and the people loving jazz music in the Monroe spends close to 1000 dollars per year. However, the argument presented by the developers is based on many assumptions and faulty reasoning hence, there is a possibility that the new club may not be a profitable enterprise.
Firstly, the author says that the people of Monroe love jazz music but it may also possible that they like outdoor sporting or watching movies more than jazz music. The priority of the people can not be known without any data and survey that, what they like most? The people might prefer to spend their free time by watching sports in their home rather going out in jazz music club. The claim that over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer can be easily debunked as there might be a large number of people from outside the Monroe. The people all around Monroe may have attended the festival. It is also possible that people had vacation in the last summer hence, there was large number of people in the festival.
Secondly, The author contends that the highest rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly'. However, there is no data that how many people hear this radio program and in regular basis. There are number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe, this may be due to lower price of property in Monroe. Additionally, there is no guarantee that new jazz music club will be profitable as there may be number of jazz music club already present in Monroe city.
Thirdly, according to the information provided in the argument the fan of jazz music spends close to $1000 per year on jazz entertainment. However, the people spending amount can not make sure that the new jazz music club will be profitable. As, the fans may prefer to hear the jazz music by some other medium rather than going physically to the club. Nowadays, there is a digital music so, anyone can just sit in his home and listen to his favourite music.
To sum up, the argument provided by the developers has number of loop holes. There is lack of data, evidences and surveys to ensure that new jazz music club in Monroe will be a profitable enterprise. The author could have considered above assumptions and facts in order to make his argument more sound.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2019-12-10 | p30kh40 | 63 | view |
| 2019-09-25 | kobiniloy74 | 55 | view |
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| 2019-08-06 | rushabh71 | 55 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 441 350
No. of Characters: 2030 1500
No. of Different Words: 185 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.583 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.603 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.285 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 132 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 79 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.126 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.374 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.567 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 133, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... jazz music club in the city of Monroe. As jazz music is extremely popular in the ...
^^
Line 3, column 384, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...me rather going out in jazz music club. The claim that over 100,000 people attended...
^^^
Line 3, column 510, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...an be easily debunked as there might be a large number of people from outside the Monroe. The peo...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 560, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...mber of people from outside the Monroe. The people all around Monroe may have atten...
^^^
Line 7, column 241, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...new jazz music club will be profitable. As, the fans may prefer to hear the jazz m...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, hence, however, may, second, secondly, so, third, thirdly, well, such as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 56.0 55.5748502994 101% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2081.0 2260.96107784 92% => OK
No of words: 441.0 441.139720559 100% => OK
Chars per words: 4.71882086168 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.58257569496 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.35488374453 2.78398813304 85% => OK
Unique words: 192.0 204.123752495 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.43537414966 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 648.0 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 36.3073301445 57.8364921388 63% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.0952380952 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.0 23.324526521 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.2380952381 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.326155903405 0.218282227539 149% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.110387216594 0.0743258471296 149% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0942171109938 0.0701772020484 134% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.187892425624 0.128457276422 146% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0833247318157 0.0628817314937 133% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 14.3799401198 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.1 12.5979740519 80% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.26 8.32208582834 87% => OK
difficult_words: 72.0 98.500998004 73% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.