The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, we predict that our new jazz music club in Monroe will be a tremendously profitable enterprise."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
It is stated in an application for a small business loan from the group of developers in the city of Monroe that they are predicting that the newly established jazz music club will be a beneficial project for them. However, before evaluating the argument which is cited by the developers some questions need to be answered in which author has assumed some of the matters which flawed the argument.
First of all ,last summer ,nearly 100,000 people who has attend the Monroe”s annual jazz festival,do all people live in Monroe? As it was summer , there was vacation of school and colleges.Teenagers and youth of other cities were free .So,they might have come to visit Monroe city to their grandparents house ,or maybe when they heard about it they had come to attend the festival to make their vacations great and enjoyable. And if this is true , when the vacations will over they will return to their study or work place. In this case , the jazz music club wont be profitable and the argument of the author will surely be weakened .
Secondly ,the typical jazz fan who spends around 1000 dollars on jazz entertainment ,do they all from Monroe city ? It was a nationwide study that they spend this much on jazz entertainment but it was not a statistics based just only Monroe city .It might happen that there are less enthusiasts of jazz fan in this city relatively other cities who are eager to spend this much amount on entertainment .It might also happen the citizen of Monroe city does not like to spend this much amount of money as they have other expenses which is relatively high .If either of these become true ,it will surely undermined the author”s argument regarding the profitable business of jazz club.
Thirdly , keeping the on air show “Jazz nightly ‘ which airs every weeknight and free of cost ,do the people of Monroe really like to go to the club to enjoy jazz music ? Perhaps ,they like to spend some time with his or her family after returning from work and enjoy that radio show at home .Perhaps,he needed to do some unfinished chores in household for which he planned to do for a long time, while listening the jazz music at radio .If these are true the argument will be wear out and surely does not hold water.
In conclusion, as it stands now ,the argument is considerably flawed because of the proper justification and author”s assumption. If the author can present more logical reasons behind this argument and answered these questions regarding gaining profit from a Jazz music club in Monroe ,the developers might give a shot thinking to be beneficial from the club in near future .
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Don't put a space before punctuation marks.
Always put a space after punctuation marks. Essay e-grader is sensitive.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 459 350
No. of Characters: 2100 1500
No. of Different Words: 207 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.629 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.575 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.376 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 127 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 79 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 35.308 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 21.896 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.846 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.373 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.624 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.097 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 57, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...an application for a small business loan from the group of developers in the city...
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Line 1, column 256, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
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... However, before evaluating the argument which is cited by the developers some qu...
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Line 1, column 325, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...opers some questions need to be answered in which author has assumed some of the ...
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Line 1, column 355, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...e answered in which author has assumed some of the matters which flawed the argument. ...
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Line 5, column 13, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
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...h flawed the argument. First of all ,last summer ,nearly 100,000 people who h...
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Line 5, column 26, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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...argument. First of all ,last summer ,nearly 100,000 people who has attend the...
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Line 5, column 58, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'attended'.
Suggestion: attended
...t summer ,nearly 100,000 people who has attend the Monroe's annual jazz festival,...
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Line 5, column 103, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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...d the Monroe's annual jazz festival,do all people live in Monroe? As it was su...
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Line 5, column 150, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: ,
... people live in Monroe? As it was summer , there was vacation of school and colleg...
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Line 5, column 195, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Teenagers
...ere was vacation of school and colleges.Teenagers and youth of other cities were free .So...
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Line 5, column 240, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: .
...gers and youth of other cities were free .So,they might have come to visit Monroe ...
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Line 5, column 242, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: So
...rs and youth of other cities were free .So,they might have come to visit Monroe ci...
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Line 5, column 244, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , they
... and youth of other cities were free .So,they might have come to visit Monroe city to...
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Line 5, column 314, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... Monroe city to their grandparents house ,or maybe when they heard about it they h...
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Line 5, column 451, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...great and enjoyable. And if this is true , when the vacations will over they will ...
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Line 5, column 542, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... their study or work place. In this case , the jazz music club wont be profitable ...
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Line 5, column 638, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: .
...nt of the author will surely be weakened . Secondly ,the typical jazz fan who...
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Line 9, column 9, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: ,
... will surely be weakened . Secondly ,the typical jazz fan who spends around 1...
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Line 9, column 84, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...round 1000 dollars on jazz entertainment ,do they all from Monroe city ? It was a ...
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Line 9, column 246, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: .
...a statistics based just only Monroe city .It might happen that there are less enth...
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Line 9, column 248, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: It
...statistics based just only Monroe city .It might happen that there are less enthus...
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Line 9, column 279, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun enthusiasts is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...oe city .It might happen that there are less enthusiasts of jazz fan in this city re...
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Line 9, column 401, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: .
... spend this much amount on entertainment .It might also happen the citizen of Monr...
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Line 9, column 403, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: It
...pend this much amount on entertainment .It might also happen the citizen of Monroe...
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Line 9, column 403, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...pend this much amount on entertainment .It might also happen the citizen of Monroe...
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Line 9, column 499, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... like to spend this much amount of money as they have other expenses which is rel...
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Line 9, column 553, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: .
... other expenses which is relatively high .If either of these become true ,it will ...
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Line 9, column 555, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: If
...ther expenses which is relatively high .If either of these become true ,it will su...
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Line 9, column 585, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: ,
...ely high .If either of these become true ,it will surely undermined the author&apo...
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Line 9, column 602, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'undermine'
Suggestion: undermine
...er of these become true ,it will surely undermined the author's argument regarding th...
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Line 13, column 8, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...able business of jazz club. Thirdly , keeping the on air show 'Jazz nigh...
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Line 13, column 87, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ightly ' which airs every weeknight and free of cost ,do the people of Monro...
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Line 13, column 105, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...h airs every weeknight and free of cost ,do the people of Monroe really like to g...
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Line 13, column 190, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...o the club to enjoy jazz music ? Perhaps ,they like to spend some time with his or...
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Line 13, column 303, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: .
...m work and enjoy that radio show at home .Perhaps,he needed to do some unfinished ...
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Line 13, column 305, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Perhaps
...work and enjoy that radio show at home .Perhaps,he needed to do some unfinished chores ...
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Line 13, column 312, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , he
...d enjoy that radio show at home .Perhaps,he needed to do some unfinished chores in ...
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Line 13, column 448, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: .
... while listening the jazz music at radio .If these are true the argument will be w...
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Line 13, column 450, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: If
...hile listening the jazz music at radio .If these are true the argument will be wea...
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Line 15, column 32, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...water. In conclusion, as it stands now ,the argument is considerably flawed beca...
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Line 15, column 290, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... profit from a Jazz music club in Monroe ,the developers might give a shot thinki...
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Line 15, column 312, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...sic club in Monroe ,the developers might give a shot thinking to be beneficial fr...
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Line 15, column 380, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
... beneficial from the club in near future .
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, really, regarding, second, secondly, so, third, thirdly, thus, while, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 41.0 28.8173652695 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2202.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 456.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 4.82894736842 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62105577807 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60050555173 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 218.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.478070175439 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 671.4 705.55239521 95% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 19.7664670659 61% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 38.0 22.8473053892 166% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 129.487102532 57.8364921388 224% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 183.5 119.503703932 154% => OK
Words per sentence: 38.0 23.324526521 163% => OK
Discourse Markers: 11.0833333333 5.70786347227 194% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 43.0 5.25449101796 818% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.260090974375 0.218282227539 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.106396256862 0.0743258471296 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0863678833723 0.0701772020484 123% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.147755563978 0.128457276422 115% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0570937186623 0.0628817314937 91% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 20.3 14.3799401198 141% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.37 48.3550499002 86% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 16.9 12.197005988 139% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.33 12.5979740519 90% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.95 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 70.0 98.500998004 71% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 17.2 11.1389221557 154% => OK
text_standard: 17.0 11.9071856287 143% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.