"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
In this argument, the author conclude that the prosposed new jazz club--C-Note, which is located in Monor, will have its own local market. The conclusion seems logical at first thought, after all, the author does offered several critical evidence and the underlying assumptions are not without merits, however, the conclusion was flawed by the absence of some specific evidence.
To begin with, the author pointed there were over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, admittedly 100,000 seems a significant amount, however, the author failed to prove what the exact fraction that the local attandence of the 100,000 people, laking such evidence, there is a strong likehood that the large fraction of the whole attandence were from other cities which located far more from Moroe,rather than the local citizens or citizens from neighbor cities. If so, the suggestion that opening a club in Moroe might be a ill-advised suggestion to the developers.
Additionally, the author cited there were several well-kown jazz musicians lived in Moroe, however, he/she did not give more specific details about these musicians--how long they lived there one year, did they worked in Moroe or merely visited Moroe several times one year, did there were any music companies in Moroe? Without such evidence, things might not in the case, perhaps these well-known jazz musicians were just lived in Moroe in the summer, rather than working there,especially when Moroe had a very clement climate and a grandiose landscape--the huge verdant mountains, the blue sky, the pellucid and clear ocean, which were precious in the modern life. Or perhaps they were just like the relaxed and slow life space in Moroe, and preferred to spend several days to stay in Moroe after their serious of work, rather than spent months to work there. Unless the author provide other more evidence to rule out such possbilities, he/she could not make the conclusion that musicians could be a great support to opening a jazz club.
Finally, the author pointed that the program "Jazz Nightly" is the highest-rated radio program in Moeroe and a nationwide study which indicate that the typical jazz fan always spent nerely 1000 dollars per year on jazz entertainment, meanwhile ,he/she did not adjusted that these two evidence were good indicators of a judicious decision that opening a jazz club. Even though the program "Jazz nightly" was the most popular program in Moeroe, it did not eqally to say that the local cizens were really fond of jazz music, perhaps the listeners' amount in Moroe was very limited and scant, or perhaps compared with other alternated programs such as healthcare programs, call-in-advise programs, the local news program, "Jazz Nightly" might be the more alluring and interesting program. As to the nationwide study, the author also failed to prove that it could apply equally to the Moroe, perhaps the citizens in Moroe are more concern the movies, reading books rather than listening music in club, especially clubs are always boisterous and crowd.If things are such cases, the author's conclusion might be both unjustified and imprudent.
Summing up, the conclusion are undermined by all-above mentioned flaws, to support his/her conclusion and suggestion, the author need to provide more specific evidence to clearify the above-mentioned problems.
Sentence: In this argument, the author conclude that the prosposed new jazz club--C-Note, which is located in Monor, will have its own local market.
Error: prosposed Suggestion: proposed
Sentence: To begin with, the author pointed there were over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, admittedly 100,000 seems a significant amount, however, the author failed to prove what the exact fraction that the local attandence of the 100,000 people, laking such evidence, there is a strong likehood that the large fraction of the whole attandence were from other cities which located far more from Moroe,rather than the local citizens or citizens from neighbor cities.
Error: attandence Suggestion: attendance
Error: laking Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Additionally, the author cited there were several well-kown jazz musicians lived in Moroe, however, he/she did not give more specific details about these musicians--how long they lived there one year, did they worked in Moroe or merely visited Moroe several times one year, did there were any music companies in Moroe?
Error: well-kown Suggestion: well known
Sentence: Unless the author provide other more evidence to rule out such possbilities, he/she could not make the conclusion that musicians could be a great support to opening a jazz club.
Error: possbilities Suggestion: possibilities
Sentence: Finally, the author pointed that the program 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated radio program in Moeroe and a nationwide study which indicate that the typical jazz fan always spent nerely 1000 dollars per year on jazz entertainment, meanwhile ,he/she did not adjusted that these two evidence were good indicators of a judicious decision that opening a jazz club.
Error: nerely Suggestion: merely
Sentence: Even though the program 'Jazz nightly' was the most popular program in Moeroe, it did not eqally to say that the local cizens were really fond of jazz music, perhaps the listeners' amount in Moroe was very limited and scant, or perhaps compared with other alternated programs such as healthcare programs, call-in-advise programs, the local news program, 'Jazz Nightly' might be the more alluring and interesting program.
Error: eqally Suggestion: equally
Error: cizens Suggestion: citizens
Sentence: Summing up, the conclusion are undermined by all-above mentioned flaws, to support his/her conclusion and suggestion, the author need to provide more specific evidence to clearify the above-mentioned problems.
Error: above-mentioned Suggestion: above mentioned
Error: clearify Suggestion: clarify
flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
You didn't figure out the structure of the statement:
argument 1 should be for:
'Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. '
argument 2 should be for:
'Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M'
argument 3 should be for:
'Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.'
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 547 350
No. of Characters: 2747 1500
No. of Different Words: 254 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.836 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.022 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.463 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 194 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 147 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 45.583 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 18.016 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.583 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.42 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.677 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.208 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5