It is argued that, in order to improve the profits in all the cheese stores in the US, the author suggests that all the stores should stop stocking the imported cheeses instead of the domestic ones. To support the recommendation, the author cites that the five best-selling cheeses at the new opening stores were domestic cheddar from Wisconsin. Moreover, a recent survey by a world-wide magazine suggests that there is an increasing favor of domestic cheeses. While this suggestion is problematic, there are some loopholes, we need to evaluate them carefully.
To begin with, there are some location limitations confused by the author. The magazine covers international preference in its articles because of the name "Cheeses of the World", given that the chain cheese stores are nationwide, the arugument cites from te magazaine is not convicing. There are so many countries and favors of cheese while it do not represent the US people's favor by arguing that the domestic cheeses are more favorable. Likewise, the sales of the newest store could not indicate the nationwide preference as it is a local case which present the people's favor in that place instead of the US, let alone it is a new opening store.
So, the new opening store's sale should not obsecure the previous stores sales as it is a new comer which just start business initially, while compared with the cheeses stores in the group which established for decades, with lots of local fans for years, the sales of the new store is not compelling if the author wan to prove the domestic cheeses are better.
In addition, the author's major loopholes in the recommendation is very precarious in that he suggest every store should give up the imported cheeses while in order to replicate the success of the sales from the newest store. Maybe the previous stores just have they own styles by the means of maintaining the consolidated consumers locally. So their taste may be quite different from the people who purchased cheeses in the newest one. So as a nationwide company, the owner should reconsider this idea carefully as the people's taste are different from regions, it is hasty to decide cut down the storing of imported cheeses in all the stores.
Finally, the owner's purpose is to improve the profits of all the stores, while this is a complicated question of making more profits as it is related to lots of cases. Firstly, some of the stores could make promotions while some of them could try new kind of cheese to meet different people's taste, Secondly, they can make advertisement on TV or the Internet to enhance the celebrtiy.
In conclusion, the argument is not well supported by the owner's evidence. I totally comprehend the owner while his suggestion could not work because of the taste differences of regions. So he should try other means of business to make more profits in every store.
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Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 488 350
No. of Characters: 2337 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.7 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.789 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.593 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 164 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 128 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 47 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.111 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.025 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.343 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.595 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.17 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 90, Rule ID: NEW_COMER[1]
Message: Did you mean 'newcomer'?
Suggestion: newcomer
...re the previous stores sales as it is a new comer which just start business initially, wh...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 178, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...t is related to lots of cases. Firstly, some of the stores could make promotions while some...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 12, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s to make more profits in every store.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
finally, first, firstly, if, likewise, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, well, while, in addition, in conclusion, kind of, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 2.0 11.1786427146 18% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 32.0 28.8173652695 111% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 55.5748502994 115% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2407.0 2260.96107784 106% => OK
No of words: 488.0 441.139720559 111% => OK
Chars per words: 4.93237704918 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70007681154 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.70107075501 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.450819672131 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 769.5 705.55239521 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 71.7876885143 57.8364921388 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 133.722222222 119.503703932 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.1111111111 23.324526521 116% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.72222222222 5.70786347227 135% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.321875196328 0.218282227539 147% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.103196222848 0.0743258471296 139% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0936329534424 0.0701772020484 133% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.169289028039 0.128457276422 132% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.11164368291 0.0628817314937 178% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 14.3799401198 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.07 48.3550499002 91% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.61 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.34 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 98.500998004 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.