The argument is about the confound dairy product role in the disease named osteoporosis. Osteoporosis, a disease that is linked with environmental and genetic factor and which causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. As we know, milk and dairy products are considered essential for building bones, but a long term study showed people who consumed dairy products had highed bone fracture which is symptomatic of osteoporosis. Hence, it was concluded that dairy products actually increases instead of decreasing the risk of osteoporosis.
The argument is full of holes and assumption. To begin with the center of discussion is about the disease osteoporosis which is linked with environmental and genetic factors. This brings a whole new area to explore as it might be more prominent in humid region or dry region or people belonging to certain height and weight . Environmental and genetical factors are equivocal terms hence, a more definite study on this has to be conducted.
It was stated a long term study has been conducted on large number of people, which doesn't provide us with necessary information such as, what was the duration of study. It doesn't state the age group of people over which it was conducted. There is missing information about the region from where people where choosen for study, was it a place where people were more athletic and sportive which lead them to have bone fractures, or who wanted to learn ballerina which also causes bones to fracture at times. Hence a detailed study taking into account the factors stated above has to be performed.
It is highly possible that people who were choosen for study has genetic disorder which misleaded the entire study by correlating two unknown factors. There might be several other symptoms of osteoporosis which might have a stronger cause and effect relation than bone fracture. Thus, a more detailed research on various symptoms of the disease and which symptom is more prominent and dangerous have to be performed.
By stating the above factors I would like to conclude that an intense statistical study needs to be conducted again by considering age groups of people, diversity of people, other symptoms of the disease and medical history of people choosen for study. Thus, concluding diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis is flawed.
- TOEFL T P O 11 Integrated Writing Task 52
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e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 392 350
No. of Characters: 1955 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.45 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.987 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.666 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 140 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.059 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.831 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.353 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.353 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.127 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 23, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
The argument is about the confound dairy product role in the disease named...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 324, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...e belonging to certain height and weight . Environmental and genetical factors are...
^^
Line 2, column 441, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...nite study on this has to be conducted. It was stated a long term study has been...
^^^
Line 3, column 85, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ducted on large number of people, which doesnt provide us with necessary information s...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 174, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... as, what was the duration of study. It doesnt state the age group of people over whic...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 508, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...also causes bones to fracture at times. Hence a detailed study taking into account th...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, hence, if, may, so, thus, as to, such as, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1997.0 2260.96107784 88% => OK
No of words: 390.0 441.139720559 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.12051282051 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44391917772 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73528664468 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 190.0 204.123752495 93% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.487179487179 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 637.2 705.55239521 90% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 57.3860839382 57.8364921388 99% => OK
Chars per sentence: 117.470588235 119.503703932 98% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.9411764706 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.47058823529 5.70786347227 78% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.215213280798 0.218282227539 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0752526951136 0.0743258471296 101% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0791602776357 0.0701772020484 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.127917574224 0.128457276422 100% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0962062512668 0.0628817314937 153% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.71 12.5979740519 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.29 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.