Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. Finally, Plainsville's schoolchildren represent a new generation of potential customers: these schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.
The argument in which opening the stores of the health- related productions in Plainsville will be profitable may seem tenable at first glance. The author makes a valid argument, one that would be correct, if his premises were true. However, his conclusion relies on the assumptions for which there is no relevant and clear evidence and it uses terms that lack definition.
First, the author claims that residents in Plainville lead the healthy lives because the merchants report that sales of the exercise clothes are high. However, there is no clear correlation between the sales of the healthy food and sales of the sporting clothes. Maybe, playing more sports in Plainville has increased because of the being sport teams in the town, or maybe young people have great interests in playing sports. So, conversely, they might not pay attention and ponder about their health and the healthy food.
Second, according to the argument, local health club has more members than ever in the training and aerobics courses. It would be strengthened if the author could describe about the people trend toward the healthy products rather than sports courses. Some clubs and sports such as aerobics are so exiting for some ones who may not think of the using the health food. Perhaps, those clubs have enhanced some equipment rather than before which causes people become eager of enrolling.
Finally, the author cites that schoolchildren as a new generation will be the potential customers for the stores because of their high requires for regular exercises. The author fails to explain about the exact population of children in the town, their interest, and their longing of the healthy food. Maybe children don't get habit of the eating the food defined healthy food, so it takes too much time that those productions are introduced to them. Thus, the urgent need of the exercise for the young generation cannot act as decent reason for increasing willing toward the health food.
As a result, the author's conclusion appears to rely on the premises which aren't conclusively supported. The author could address these issues by providing more cogent cases and points as to health-productions, the range of its use, custom, social positions of the people and so on. Thus, he could create the more persuasive argument by assembling demographic, economic, and social evidences.
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flaws:
You may read the topic again, the store is not just for 'healthy food', but 'health food and other health-related products'.
Read a sample one:
http://testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/natures-way-chain-stores-selling-heal…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 389 350
No. of Characters: 1930 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.441 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.961 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.534 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 142 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 62 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.611 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.258 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.331 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.572 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.096 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5