"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
The provided argument is based on an experiment conducted among 18 rhesus monkey, to find the effects of birth order on the levels of stimulations and the generated results are speculated to be applied on human conditions. Though, the generated results may seem promising, still the conclusion derived is based on a lot of unwarranted assumptions and unless, they are shored up with enough evidences, the argument can easily be refuted.
First of all, it is possible that the experiments were conducted in a completely singular, isolated laboratories and such results have no semblance in the natural wild. Under such conditions the conclusion derived may not hold water, this is because it cannot be guaranteed that similar isolated ambiance may be found in the nature and the “promising” results so obtained, were not because of scientific inputs but simply because of the isolation created in the laboratory. Similarly, the argument falsely assumes that the sample population of the eighteen monkeys or Rhesus species of monkey can be used to extrapolate derivations of the entire rhesus species or the entire monkey kingdom. It is possible that the sample size so chosen, was among the best, well fed, strong rhesus species who had superior genes and the results obtained may not be seen in other rhesus species. Additionally, Can it be generalized that the stimulating behavior seen in one species of monkey, speaks about the entire monkey kingdom? Under such faulty assumptions, the conclusion derived can be suspected to be specious. The scientist should provide additional evidences that bridges the gap between the sample size and the population and shows that the results obtained is representative of entire population.
Secondly, the conclusion compares behavior seen in monkey with humans, more specifically, first born monkeys and first born humans. However, without additional evidences that this two different species exhibit similar stimulating behavior under similar inputs, the conclusion can easily be denied. It is true that evolutionary speaking, monkeys are the closet relative of human, but it is possible that all the characteristic exhibited by monkeys need to be shown in similar fashions by humans. Also, the arguments talks about the birth order comparison in between “eighteen” monkey infants and the result of first-born is juxtaposed with humans, but a question can easily be asked, if the results obtained from eighteen infants can be compared to human infants. This is because it is hard to find a human family with eighteen infants and under such circumstances, it is may be hard to justify similar occurrence in human. So, to make the conclusion, more concrete the scientist should provide additional evidences that show the occurrence of similar results in humans.
Finally, in the end the arguments compares the cortisol production of first born infants and first time mother monkey. The argument fails to provide additional evidence to show that the steps taken in measuring the level of cortisol production was completely impeachable. It is possible that some mistakes were made and the level of cortisol production after the 19th infants and let’s say, third time mother may be further more than that of the above mentioned. Under such conditions, Will the conclusions still hold water? Also, the stimulating condition, so described are providing an paradox within themselves. The condition used in monkey’s case is an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey while in human case is an encounter with their own parents after some time. Can this two conditions be considered similar? Of course not, in the absence of additional information proving their similarity, this two different conditions cannot be considered to be the same and extrapolations cannot be derived from them. Hence, the researcher should provide additional supporting evidences to make his conclusion seem worthy.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Out of topic.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 620 350
No. of Characters: 3232 1500
No. of Different Words: 244 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.99 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.213 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.795 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 258 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 201 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 136 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 95 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.403 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.461 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.087 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 75, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'monkey' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'monkeys'.
Suggestion: monkeys
...an experiment conducted among 18 rhesus monkey, to find the effects of birth order on ...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 808, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... well fed, strong rhesus species who had superior genes and the results obtained ...
^^
Line 7, column 591, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...g condition, so described are providing an paradox within themselves. The conditio...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, hence, however, if, may, second, secondly, similarly, so, still, third, well, while, of course, first of all, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 43.0 19.6327345309 219% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 11.1786427146 170% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 80.0 55.5748502994 144% => OK
Nominalization: 22.0 16.3942115768 134% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3339.0 2260.96107784 148% => OK
No of words: 620.0 441.139720559 141% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.38548387097 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.98996985923 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.01070367664 2.78398813304 108% => OK
Unique words: 260.0 204.123752495 127% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.41935483871 0.468620217663 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1055.7 705.55239521 150% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 62.0 57.8364921388 107% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.125 119.503703932 116% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.8333333333 23.324526521 111% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.125 5.70786347227 107% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.208961690259 0.218282227539 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0703722767839 0.0743258471296 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0784010990753 0.0701772020484 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.148443603574 0.128457276422 116% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0365650093905 0.0628817314937 58% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.9 14.3799401198 118% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 37.64 48.3550499002 78% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.28 12.5979740519 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.65 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 148.0 98.500998004 150% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 20.5 12.3882235529 165% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.