Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture, he concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. Recently another anthropologist, Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices. In the interviews that Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid. Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.
While it may be true that interview based method is more efficient to stude the child-rearing process of the island of Tertia, the author's argument doesn't make a cogent case to inplement this method on further research. It is easy to understand that some anthropoligsts are recommending to use the interview based method for future research, the argument presented here is rife with holes and assumptions, and the reader is less likely to be persuade by them.
Citing the results of Dr. Karps method, the author states that, during the interview, the children spent more time talking about thier biological parents than about other adults. It is not clear how this result implies that the other adults do not have any contribution to the child's upbringing. The children may be talking about only his biolgical parents as he or she is too young to remember having spent time with other adults. The author has assumed that the children were mature enough to recognise the adults apart form their parents.
Additionally, the Dr. Karps interview is based on the responses collected from the children. It is not clear, however, to which extent this responses are reliable. The children may have a very little idea if what the survey is all about and they may have given the response without fully inderstanding the question. The underlying assumption is that the children's responses are reliable to make conslusion about their upbringing process. Dr Karp has not considered to include the biological parents and oter adults in their study. This factor undermines the quality of the method used. For the surevey to be used to make appropriate conclusion, it must truly represent the population, valid and reliable.
Building up on the implication that the studies done by Dr. Karp and Dr. Field have a gap of 20 years between them. The authors is comparing the methods and results of studies that have several years of gap between them. During this interval, there may have been a drastic change in the island social structure. A significant number of people may have immigrated from the island or a significant number of people may have emmigrated to the island. This can bring about a noticable change in the societie's method to raise the children. The
A clear, concise understanding of the children-rearing process can indeed be helpful to understand the social structure. However, the arguments used here are less likely to back the conclusion of the study. The modified argument should try to address the points such as the validity of the children's responses, inclusion of the other adults in the study, and time interval between two studies.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-21-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 442 350
No. of Characters: 2167 1500
No. of Different Words: 203 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.585 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.903 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.672 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 158 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.091 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.795 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.409 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.342 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.553 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.206 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 132, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ng process of the island of Tertia, the authors argument doesnt make a cogent case to i...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 149, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... island of Tertia, the authors argument doesnt make a cogent case to inplement this me...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 517, Rule ID: APART_FORM[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'apart from'?
Suggestion: apart from
...e mature enough to recognise the adults apart form their parents. Additionally, the Dr....
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 136, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
... is not clear, however, to which extent this responses are reliable. The children ma...
^^^^
Line 5, column 706, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ent the population, valid and reliable. Building up on the implication that the ...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 65, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...cation that the studies done by Dr. Karp and Dr. Field have a gap of 20 years bet...
^^
Line 7, column 130, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[4]
Message: You should probably use: 'are'.
Suggestion: are
...p of 20 years between them. The authors is comparing the methods and results of st...
^^
Line 7, column 497, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'societies'' or 'society's'?
Suggestion: societies'; society's
...n bring about a noticable change in the societies method to raise the children. The A ...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, however, if, may, so, while, such as, talking about
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 57.0 55.5748502994 103% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2221.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 441.0 441.139720559 100% => OK
Chars per words: 5.03628117914 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.58257569496 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73630101352 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 212.0 204.123752495 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.480725623583 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 675.9 705.55239521 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 15.0 8.76447105788 171% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 46.1652361084 57.8364921388 80% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.761904762 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.0 23.324526521 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.66666666667 5.70786347227 47% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.119970867731 0.218282227539 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0376280612425 0.0743258471296 51% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0285741260782 0.0701772020484 41% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0661126624586 0.128457276422 51% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0183750879819 0.0628817314937 29% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.95 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.29 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 98.500998004 103% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.