The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument
The developers have a good grasp on why a Jazz Music Club in the city of Monroe would be successful. However, they need to provide proofs that support their claims. This is because the claims on their own are insufficient in showing how profitable C-Note would be. Examples of proofs required include: surveys to show that Monroe residents are Jazz enthusiasts, attendance of the annual Jazz Festival comprises mostly Monroe residents who truly love jazz.
The writer’s first claim that C-Note would be profitable because it would have a monopoly of the city of Monroe Jazz market is reasonable at face value. However, the claim does not strengthen the developers arguments. This is because residents of Monroe may prefer to drive 65 miles for good music if the new club does not live up to their expectations. Also, the developers claim would be strengthened if they provide evidence that the residents of Monroe desire a Jazz Music Club and are willing to pay for it. For instance citing a survey that shows that 70% of the 2 million population of Monroe expressed the desire for a Jazz Music Club would suffice.
Second, the developers claim that Jazz music is popular in Monroe because 100,000 people attended the Jazz festival last year. However, the developers fail to prove that the attendees were residents of the city of Monroe. If they were residents of the city of Monroe, the developers argument would be strengthened.
Third, the developers mention that well known musicians live in Monroe but fail to show how this would translate into profitability. For instance would the well-known musicians perform at the club? Answers to questions such as this would strengthen thier arguments.
Fourth, the writers also mention that the highest rated radio program is the Jazz nightly. Although this may be true, it does not prove that people are willingly to leave their homes to visit the club. Also, the jazz nightly program may be highly rated because that is what drivers listen to on their way home or may be the Jazz nightly is a better alternative to other programs on the same time.
Lastly, the developers cite a study on the spending pattern of Jazz enthusiasts. The problem here is that the developers fail to relate this to the city of Monroe. Can the national average apply to Monroe? What is the population and economy of Monroe? Information on the demographics of the city showing that they are truly Jazz fans would strengthen the developers arguments.
In conclusion, whilst the developers have a good idea of why a Jazz club would be successful in Monroe, they failed to connect the dots and provide evidence on why the club would be a business success. Evidence such as the population of the city are Jazz fans and how well known Jazz musicians would translate into profitabilty would strengthen the application of the developers
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Sentence: Evidence such as the population of the city are Jazz fans and how well known Jazz musicians would translate into profitabilty would strengthen the application of the developers
Error: profitabilty Suggestion: profitability
flaws:
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You may remove one or two reasons but focus on two or three reasons.
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