"Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels."
Prohibiting skateboarding cause to returning business to its previously high level is very simple view. The author failed to render strong evidence for the argument and prove that why there is a direct relation among increasing the number of skateboard users and decreasing the business of store owners in central Plaza. Moreover, the author could not convince the readers why the amount of litter and vandalism has upward trend throughout the Palza. In addition, the author’s prediction about returning the business to its previously level does not have any supporting evidence to persuasive the readers.
Decreasing the number of shoppers in central Plaza may have several reasons that the author should take into account and then make relation between this decreasing with the popularity of skateboarding. It is more likely that the most proportion of shoppers had economical problems due to inflation and could not continue their trade. Maybe, people who live around central plaza do not have enough budgets to spend more money on purchasing from the stores in central plaza. The author could consider different measures which had direct effect on decreasing business at this area.
Furthermore, the author brings a weak evidence to prove his argument while the belief of store owners cannot convince the readers significantly because they did not have enough information about other factors that might had profound influence on their sales. The writer could use stronger evidence and persuade the readers by certain statistics charts and could use the survey method and gather data from store owners about their observations. Increasing the number of skateboard users may have several reasons and do not have any effect on decreasing the business. Also, increasing the percentage of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza has several main reasons that should be taken into consideration that lacking of police station is one of them. The writer could support his argument with decent evidence and render strong reasons and clarify why there are correlation between increasing the rate of crimes and the number of skateboarding users.
The author also failed to illustrate an appropriate conclusion because of two basic reasons. Firstly, generalizing based on weak evidence and secondly prediction in a wrong way without using persuasive evidence to convince the readers. The author could show strong data and prove why prohibiting the skateboarding users lead to increasing the business in central Plaza. It is less likely that having a down ward trend for business has only one weak reason like increasing the number of skateboarding in this area. Prediction a trend needs analyzing the certain important measures that the author does not pay attention to them at all.
In conclusion, the argument has several basic weak points that cannot be overlooked easily and the conclusion is not enough strong to convince the readers. The author does not use decent evidence to support his argument and does not take certain importance factors into account when wants to make a direct relation among raising the number of skateboarding users and soaring the rate of crimes in Plaza. While the author could prove his claim with using certain methods and strong evidence and persuade the reader with rendering statistic data.
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Prohibiting skateboarding cause to returning business to its previously high level is very simple view.
Suggestion:Prohibiting skateboarding cause to returning business to its previously high level is a very simple view.
Sentence: In addition, the author's prediction about returning the business to its previously level does not have any supporting evidence to persuasive the readers.
Description: The fragment its previously level is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace previously with adjective
Description: The tag an adjective is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to persuasive and the
flaws:
No. of Words: 529 350 (write the essay in half an hour)
Don't need to list reasons in the introduction paragraph. Maybe you don't have enough time in real exam.
For issue essays, around 450+ words, for argument essays, around 400+ words.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 529 350
No. of Characters: 2763 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.796 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.223 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.632 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 217 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 149 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 106 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 63 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.19 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.468 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.476 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.361 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.539 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.082 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5