Some people belive that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in the society, especially among children. Others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more powerful influence on childrens behaviour.
Are chidren more prone to violence because of the potrayal of violence in the media, that they are constantly in touch with, or are they more influenced by their peer groups and parental role models? The given issue states that some may believe that it's the violence in media that is detrimental for a child's behavior. However, it also states that peer groups and parental role models have a much more powerful influence on shaping a chid's behaviour consciously and subconsciously. In my view, it is both, the media and parental or peer influence that to various extents shapes a child's behaviour.
First of all, let us consider the role of media. In today's generation, children are constantly under the influence of various forms of media all throughout the day. Be it their gizmos or their PC's, they have an easy access to media. For example, chidren are getting addicted to gaming nowadays. Games like Counterstrike, Angry Birds etc. are based on violence. The use of guns in counterstrike, the level of rage in angry birds, do subconsciously influence a child's mind giving it a violent bend. Since children are of an impressionble age, this increasing violence in the arena of gaming media is a valid reason for increasing violence in our society, especially among children.
A second instance is of violence in movies- another popular form of media ruling chidren's lives. The fascination of children for violent movies cannot be underestimated. Popular movies these days, for example, Transformers and action packed movies like- Rambo, the Die Hard, the Karate Kid series etc. are all influencial on a chils's mind. These movies, an essential part of media in chidren's lives, consciously affect a child's behaviour. Since, chidren tend to be fanatic about their favorite action heroes, they mimic these actions in society. Hence, increasing voilence in the media is causing increasing violence in the daily lives of chidren.
Finally, as some others belive, peer groups and parental role model also have a powerful, moreover, an indelible mark on children's behaviour. For instance, if a child belongs to an abusive family, he will tend to grow up be abusive himself. This is because the circumstances around him have shaped his young mind in a manner which has made him violent. Furthermore, a child's peer group will also affect his behaviour. For example, a child's community can be of a violent bend. He may get involved in these gangs at the tender childhood age. Due to unfortunate circulstances, his interaction with such a company may go unnoticed causing him to embrace violence as a inseparable part of his life.
In conclusion, I would state that increasing violence in the media is definately is a cause of increasing violence aroud us, especially among children. Also, the child's peer group and parental role models are equally responsible for a child's behavior. Therefore, to keep a check on such behaviour, and to bring more peace in our society, media exposed to chidren must be censored. And, it must be taken care that the influences on a child by parents and peers are positive.
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Sentence: For instance, if a child belongs to an abusive family, he will tend to grow up be abusive himself.
Description: An adverb, particle is not usually followed by a verb 'to be', infinitive or imperative
Suggestion: Refer to up and be
Sentence: In conclusion, I would state that increasing violence in the media is definately is a cause of increasing violence aroud us, especially among children.
Description: The fragment is definately is is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: remove one 'is'
Sentence: Are chidren more prone to violence because of the potrayal of violence in the media, that they are constantly in touch with, or are they more influenced by their peer groups and parental role models?
Error: potrayal Suggestion: portrayal
Error: chidren Suggestion: children
Sentence: For example, chidren are getting addicted to gaming nowadays.
Error: chidren Suggestion: children
Sentence: Since children are of an impressionble age, this increasing violence in the arena of gaming media is a valid reason for increasing violence in our society, especially among children.
Error: impressionble Suggestion: impressible
Sentence: Hence, increasing voilence in the media is causing increasing violence in the daily lives of chidren.
Error: voilence Suggestion: violence
Error: chidren Suggestion: children
Sentence: Finally, as some others belive, peer groups and parental role model also have a powerful, moreover, an indelible mark on children's behaviour.
Error: belive Suggestion: believe
Sentence: Due to unfortunate circulstances, his interaction with such a company may go unnoticed causing him to embrace violence as a inseparable part of his life.
Error: circulstances Suggestion: circumstances
Sentence: In conclusion, I would state that increasing violence in the media is definately is a cause of increasing violence aroud us, especially among children.
Error: definately Suggestion: definitely
Sentence: Therefore, to keep a check on such behaviour, and to bring more peace in our society, media exposed to chidren must be censored.
Error: chidren Suggestion: children
flaws:
No. of Words: 518 350
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.607 0.12
Write the essay with less words and leave some minutes to check out spellings. It can get 6.0 if there are less spelling errors.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 518 350
No. of Characters: 2523 1500
No. of Different Words: 237 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.771 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.871 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.733 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 142 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 91 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.538 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.607 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.289 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.47 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5