Most culture encourages individuals to sacrifice a large part of their personalities in order to be like other people. Thus, most people are afraid to think or behave differently because they do not want to be excluded
Cultural value, norms and beliefs always wants to maintain peace and harmony in the society by maintaining conformity. It is therefore reasonable to think that culture always encourage people to sacrifice a large part of their individuality in order to be alike other people. However, I do not agree with the assertion that most people sacrifice their individuality, or follow social conformity in the fear of social persecution or social exclusion for the following reasons.
Each society has its own cultural values, norms, and notions and it is true that each member of the society is forced to live under these social constraints in order to maintain peace and harmony in the society. Any thought or action against the prevailing social trend will have a dire consequence. They are either punished or expelled from the society. For instance, in most of the Islamic society, unveiling the head of a female in front of male or any stranger is a religious sin and most of the Islamic female are forced to unveil their head while stepping out of their home. These Islamic female are subjected to harsh punishment by the family members and the entire society if found transgressing this social boundary. However, Modern Islamic females are no longer afraid of this social persecution and are no longer confined in the walls of social conformity. Instead, they have started unveiling their head and have started pursuing their career in a way they want to. And now we have numbers of Islamic females who are great singers, dancers, actresses and celebrities from all around the world. Thus cultural constraints no longer bound ones’ individuality.
Similarly, Ptolemaic geocentric theory regarding the structure of the solar system prevailed from 2nd century to early 16th century. Contemporaneous Roman Catholic Society had a wide held social belief that god had put the earth at the centre of the solar system and nobody has dared to against this social belief because of the excruciating physical punishment. However, Copernicus was not confined by this religious constraint and purposed heliocentric theory (sun as the centre of solar system). The existing immediate Catholic society harshly punished the follower of the heliocentric society, even Bruno was burnt alive, and the heliocentric theory was suppressed for hundreds of years. However, after hundreds of years of suppression, Galileo was able to prove heliocentric theory with numbers of convincing evidences gathered from the telescope he has invented. Heliocentric theory has paved a new way in the progress of space science.
In conclusion, I do agree that cultural values and norms always force peoples to sacrifice a large part of their individuality for the sake of social conformity. However, I do not agree that majority of the people sacrifice their individuality in the fear social persecution and social exclusion.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1107, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
... celebrities from all around the world. Thus cultural constraints no longer bound on...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
however, if, regarding, similarly, so, therefore, thus, while, for instance, in conclusion, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.5258426966 77% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 1.0 12.4196629213 8% => OK
Conjunction : 21.0 14.8657303371 141% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 11.3162921348 62% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 31.0 33.0505617978 94% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 58.6224719101 109% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 12.9106741573 70% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2427.0 2235.4752809 109% => OK
No of words: 464.0 442.535393258 105% => OK
Chars per words: 5.23060344828 5.05705443957 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64119157421 4.55969084622 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.85761802718 2.79657885939 102% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 215.323595506 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.474137931034 0.4932671777 96% => OK
syllable_count: 772.2 704.065955056 110% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59117977528 107% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 6.24550561798 112% => OK
Article: 1.0 4.99550561798 20% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 3.10617977528 32% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.77640449438 225% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.38483146067 68% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 20.2370786517 99% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 23.0359550562 100% => OK
Sentence length SD: 50.201469102 60.3974514979 83% => OK
Chars per sentence: 121.35 118.986275619 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.2 23.4991977007 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.1 5.21951772744 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 7.80617977528 13% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 10.2758426966 78% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 5.13820224719 195% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.83258426966 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.220238937811 0.243740707755 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0688215852496 0.0831039109588 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.104654282374 0.0758088955206 138% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.169625541766 0.150359130593 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.126123394613 0.0667264976115 189% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 14.1392134831 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 48.8420337079 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.1743820225 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.35 12.1639044944 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.52 8.38706741573 102% => OK
difficult_words: 110.0 100.480337079 109% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 11.8971910112 118% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.2143820225 100% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.7820224719 119% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.