Young people should be encouraged to pursue long-term, realistic goals rather than seek immediate fame and recognition.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
In the increasingly competitive world we live in, fame and recognition is highly valued. People are increasingly drawn to short term fame and recognition as opposed to need for pursuing long-term realistic goals, the results of which have become counter productive. Thus, it is important to emphasize on need to encourage the young people to pursue long-term realistic goals.
Firstly, the goal to achieve instant fame and recognition does tend to increase pressure on the young minds to neglect the basic learning, resulting in long term loss of confidence. Parents who encourage children to pursue this fame do not put adequate emphasis on improving their basic foundational skills in a field and largely exploit natural talent. This results in children being under increased pressure to perform without being equipped to effectively deal with any flaws in their natural abilities. Though they tend to succeed in the short term, they tend to fail in long term due to amplification of their flaws as they grow older. This results in loss of confidence in their abilities as they do not have necessary grounding in their discipline to correct them. For example, a large number of young children who achieve fame in singing competitions, generally do not make it big in their professional careers.
Secondly, excessive focus on fame and recognition may lead to false sense of arrogance where young sportsman lost track of the need to constantly improve. This ultimately ends their careers. For example, take case of two cricket prodigies Sachin and Vinod Kamble. Sachin who focused on continuous improvement to achieve long term goal of becoming an international best batsman, succeeded and became a world renowned superstar. On the other hand Kamble who was in fact more talented than Sachin, but whose focus was on fame and recognition neglected his basic skill and the need to hone it. This ended his career as an international cricketer.Thus, two young people's lives took two entirely different turns based on their priorities in life.
In conclusion, the excessive focus on fame and recognition at a young age can prove counterproductive and lead to loss of confidence and virtually end their careers. There is thus a need to emphasize on long-term realistic goals so that young people can turn their dreams into reality, fame and recognition will be an inevitable by-product.
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Sentence: Parents who encourage children to pursue this fame do not put adequate emphasis on improving their basic foundational skills in a field and largely exploit natural talent.
Error: foundational Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
Need one more paragraph to have more arguments:
paragraph 1: introduction. Suppose we support side A.
paragraph 2: reason 1 + why reason 1 + example of reason 1 + a small conclusion (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1).
paragraph 3: reason 2 + why reason 2 + example of reason 2 + a small conclusion (like advantages of reason 2 or comparisons if not reason 2).
paragraph 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B (immediate fame and recognition). First, ... Second, .... However, there is no causation/relation.... I still support side A...
paragraph 5: conclusion -- reinforce the thesis.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 388 350
No. of Characters: 1959 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.438 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.049 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.812 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 109 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 61 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.824 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.706 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.343 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.527 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5