The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that juvenile delinquency and other problems for young people become trending topic nowadays. While I accept that occasion, I am against if it is only caused by career women, especially who have children in their marriage.
I believe that most of juvenile delinquency have other factor behind person who did it. One of the factor is family, mainly parents, because parents are first education which was children got since they were born. Some people said “fruit falls down not far from its tree”. It means that children’s attitude is mostly adapted from their parents. So, if there are many juvenile delinquency, there are possibilities that the children’s behavior are adapted from their parents. But how if the parents are good? It could be the parents did not bring up their children well. Maybe, both of the parents too busy to take care their children. In the end, the children become naughty and less affection. Usually the one who was often blamed in this case is mother, because mother has crucial part to raise up her children.
However, I disagree if only women, especially who were work that was blamed. Why? because it is modern era, where women were not restricted anymore to ancient roles, such as women should stay at home and raise up her children well without thinking about job, because it is men’s obligation. In recent life, I think that raise up children is not only women’s duty. Men also have responsibilities to guide his children well, because in this era women should be able to pursue a career. So, they cannot be underestimated. In marriage, men and women should contribute equally to childcare and divide their duty to take care their children. That role will prevent juvenile delinquency and other unwanted problem in young people nowadays.
In my conclusion, I know that problems in young people nowadays is mostly related with parents. The parents work over time and forgot about the children. In the end, the children less attention and become rude, but I did not think it is only caused by women. Because responsibility to take care children is not only women’s duty, but men too.
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2013-11-20 | nikilos | 66 | view |
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Sentence: One of the factor is family, mainly parents, because parents are first education which was children got since they were born.
Description: The token was is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to was and children
Sentence: However, I disagree if only women, especially who were work that was blamed.
Description: A verb 'to be', past tense, 2nd person singular or all is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to were and work
flaws:
Need to polish sentences.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 363 350
No. of Characters: 1712 1500
No. of Different Words: 174 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.365 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.716 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.438 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 116 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 83 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 51 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 20 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.783 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.58 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.565 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.464 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.123 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5